Unsure where we are going

[BL42]

scaredA,

I got up went to the gym.

Awesome! Keep it going. Make it a habit and long term plan and not a temporary measure.

When the kids had dinner I sat with them and talked about their day.

Good stuff. Make sure you're there for your kids.

The wife was in the living room. I put the kids to bed.

Do you always put the kids to bed? What was the typical arrangement. You should do your share certainly, but to LH's point earlier, don't let her put 100% of the responsibility on you.

Went downstairs, wife was in living room on her phone, doing whatever! I sat in the living room and read my book, didnt start any conversation at all. We both sat in silence for about 1-1/2 hours. Her on phone, me reading.

Prep yourself for the possibility she was chatting w/OM. My ExW would while we were in the same room. So uncomfortable and awkward. I probably should've handled it more strongly.

She then started to ask me about a birthday party for our youngest. I was polite and welcoming but didnt try to keep holding the conversation. She then talked about her work for a bit. Later she went upstairs and said goodnight.

Sounds like you handled it well. Good to plan the birthday with the kids. Make sure for yourself you're not getting any expectations raised because of a nice chat.

She did take the smaller one to the beach sometimes. She also took them both on holiday, to which I was not invited.

What do you mean you weren't invited on Holiday? Was this recently, or awhile ago?

During the holiday her and my teen son were at each others throats, including physical violence from both of them. She texted me several times about this, including sending photos of bruises.

Physical violence is very concerning. Who had the bruises, hers or your son's? This is potential child abuse.

Having said that, she rarely makes them food, ordering delivery pizza twice a week. Last night she opened a tin of beans, poured it into a bowl and gave that to my youngest son to eat. She does not activities such as playdates for the kids, she used to also arrange these. When she went out with OM, she would just leave early afternoon and not come back till after midnight, even if I was already out of the house, leaving the kids alone.

Pizza isn't child abuse, but opening a can of beans certainly sounds like some depressed/lazy parenting. Make sure you're stepping up as a dad to help the kids through this.