Scared there is a saying around here that says do what works. If you feel this is working then by all means go ahead and continue with zero expectations.
Again I think you are confusing softening with cake eating.
Honestly LH, I fully get what you say about cake eating and I do believe there is an element of that at play. But back to my point of “more of the same”, do you not think if I go dark, stop family time, etc. That this is how we got into this mess in the start? (im not making excuses for the affair here, but how an environment was created the sowed the seeds of it). Do you really think the situation will improve if I start to treat her similar to how I have been doing for the last 18 months (this is a genuine questions, im not challenging you). She was happy not to cake eat for those whole 18 months, spending no time with the kids or with me. Now it may be cake eating, but im struggling to see how refusing family time (which i did for 18 months) may make her think about what she could be missing. She was already missing it and apparently didnt give a f%ck.
I also agree with you on the zero expectations. If something happens good, if not I tried.
