She’s having her cake and eating it too. Family time and then affair time. She’s got a good deal
So, how would I identify that it is not cake eating? I would imagine if she said “I want to repair the marriage, here is full access to my phone and I will write him a letter to tell him I want nothing more to do with him”, this would not be cake eating.
But is this not a lofty goal? What would some of the smaller steps before that look like?
