Unsure where we are going

[Traveler]

IF you can do something strategic or tactical to strengthen your case, you should absolutely consider that into your decision on how to proceed. Are you able to arrange things in your Luxembourg savings account to your benefit? Transfer it into the Arab Gulf state? ...etc, etc

I completely disagree with this. She is lying to you and cheating on you and telling you she may want to break up your family and marriage. If it comes to a divorce it becomes a business negotiation, sometimes a contentious battle. She likely will not be looking out for your best interests, and you should do everything you can now to prep yourself for the best financial outcome you can. If she wants to divorce you and leave the country and is willing to give you all the money to do that, great

BL42, yes, we disagree with each other. What you're describing is not how I treat baristas nor handle business negotiations. It sounds like you're advocating harnessing his anger ("she is lying and cheating on you") to make sneaky transfers of funds ("Transfer it into the Arab Gulf State") to win all the money ("If she is willing to give you all the money to do that, great.") This sounds more like someone deeply betrayed, hurt, or angry might behave. To me, one's best self would not be fleeced nor fleece someone else. She's done wrong, but neither is blameless. She is due a share of whatever they accrued while married. Strength--learn his rights to avoid being fleeced--but also trustworthiness.

I don't think you want her to stay with you because she feels trapped. In DB terms, set her free.

I completely agree with this.

Yes, we agree on more things than we disagree on.

I have never said she cannot have permission, I don't believe this is even possible. She is saying that I have to come to the lawyer with her and tell him I want a divorce as well. I have said I will not do this, but she is free to proceed any way she likes. I think this is inline with what you are saying about not doing any legwork?

Yes, that's great, given the power imbalances there I wanted to clarify.

I'm still developing some boundaries, but I've thought of a drop-dead date. It will be 14th August 2022, one year after she first mentioned the affair.

Sounds like a plan.

Good job getting out for drinks. Be careful about becoming “merry maid”. Do your share but no more.

Amen.