She promises there is no one else, and she's always been so brutally honest that I believe her. If anything I think she wishes there was so it'd be easier for me to accept.
I thought this too. My husband couldn't even tell a tiny white lie. Ever. Not saying your wife is having an affair. But new job, going out with friends, new school... I don't think you can necessarily discount this as a possibility. Just another word of caution about blaming all of her behavior on her meds. What you describe is all super common behavior for WASs. They all seem like strangers.
Two. I would set your ego aside and read what Wayfarer has written, closely. She's given you a important insight into depression and if you truly care about what your wife may be going through, I'd jump at the opportunity to learn more about what depression is like rather than just serve back anecdotes and google searches that bolster your previously held theories.
Three. From what I have read, she's still in the house-- is that true? What are the sleeping arrangements? She's just been talking about wanting to talk to someone about starting the separation? If I have that all right, I'd take a deep breath and RELAX, man. Let her do the legwork on finding a place and moving out. You don't need to facilitate any of this. WASs are lazy (unless there is an AP pushing them, and even so those ones can STILL be pretty lazy about actually doing any work to get a D). The vets used to say she has given you a gift... the gift of TIME. You have this. Don't squander it.
Four. DBing isn't aloofness or stonewalling. It is focusing on you and becoming your best self. Not pursuing does not equal stonewalling. You can be pleasant and kind and polite, just not trying to rope her into conversations about stopping her medications and staying married. Do your own thing. GAL. Focus on your kids and being the best dad you can possibly be. Don't start R talks, but if she brings it up, listen and validate and DON'T ARGUE.
Five. As you focus on yourself-- can you tell us behaviors that you have that may have contributed to the failure of your M? Take the SSRIs and her depression episodes completely out of the picture and just focus on YOU. I'd be interested to know if you have any 180s you'd like to make, for yourself.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
