SSRI's and divorce - Wife doesn't love me anymore

[wayfarer]

I've obviously hit a nerve here, I apologize if I did. I did start off with a warning: "It might come off as arrogant, but it's really not meant that way. Perhaps just some of my introverted personality coming out".

I'm introverted and being arrogant isn't an introverted trait. Coming off as such for a person lacking appropriate social skills is a sign of ASD, but not a sign of introversion. So no that was not your "introverted personality coming out." And you don't sound arrogant. You sound like you're grasping at straws. There's a difference.

I just don't understand why you insinuate "lady drugs", I'm talking about my wife/x-wife on antidepressants, I feel it's a bit much to accuse me of labeling them with women.

I didn't say lady drugs. You read lady drugs. I said crazy-lady drugs. As in drugs for a crazy person who happens to be a woman.

One of my closest friends was prescribed an SSRI after his father passed away, he had a really hard time with the loss. When the Dr decided it was time to stop two years later, he "woke up" (his words) and found himself divorced with two kids and a massive mortgage he couldn't afford. He's in therapy trying to understand how it happened and trying put everything back together. He feels antidepressants stole everything from him.

Or I don't know, he didn't process his grief and depression appropriately and blew up his life, and instead of taking any personal responsibility he's blaming drugs he could've changed or gotten off of at any time.

I can tell a drug isn't working with my body or my brain chemistry. Most people who have an idea of how they "should" feel in their body or in their head knows this. Even those of us with broken brains due to bad brain chemistry. Where I live you have to check in monthly with a new psychotropic medication and then quarterly, and then bi annually. And eventually at least annually.

Women in particular are more attuned to this given the whole birth control thing. Most of us have been through at least a half dozen methods before we find one that doesn't make us miserable. And we've all had at least one where we could literally see the mood changes happening and felt powerless to do anything about it.

Your friend had plenty of time to rectify the situation before he blew his entire life up. It wasn't court ordered medication. He had plenty of time to "wake up." Yet he didn't until he had a scape goat. I truly don't understand how you see this as proof of your point, and not an argument against.

And I'm sorry if you have people in your life telling you anti-depressants are only for the suicidal but that leads me to believe that you've had little to no exposure to a person with chronic clinical depression. And that you are clearly surrounding yourself with the wrong kind of people if you want any understanding of what was and is happening in your MR and with your W.

My therapist, also a woman, is the one that suggested I talk to my wife about her looking into changing or stopping the SSRI's.

You do know that a lot of ICs are just validation bots. Confirmation bias is a h3ll of thing.

Honestly, with all the information out there, and after talking to Doc's and Therapists that don't have anything to gain from it, I don't see how anyone can challenge that they can be harmful to SOME people. Claiming that someone is "more themselves" on SSRI's is kind of a stretch. They make you happy, and able to let stuff role off your back with less anxiety, but that does not mean they bring out the "real you." You're boosting someone's serotonin, basically changing their chemical balance. Loads of illicite drugs also do that. They've possibly never had that much serotonin in their systems and changing some behaviors, this isn't a conspiracy theory, regular follow-ups are suggested on the label. There is also an important difference between someone with anxiety and someone that is suicidal. My wife/xwife was never suicidal. BIG difference there.

Hi, hey person with chronic depression here. This is a whole lotta words for "I have no ability to conceptualize depression." #1 depression and anxiety are often found together sometimes it's a causal relationship, sometime it's a comorbidity. Regardless of relationship they can be treated together #2 DEPRESSION ISN'T ALWAYS SUICIDAL. I strongly, strongly suggest you stop wasting your time reading on how SSRI's are the cause for your MR falling apart and take some time reading up on postpartum depression and anxiety. As well as generalize anxiety disorders and clinical depression thedepressionproject.com is a really good resource for people who don't have a real good handle on depression and anxiety, the ways it can be exhibited, the effects it has on the person suffering with them, and how the people who care about them can support them.

My wife has been on them for 14 months with no follow-up.

^^^this and only this is why I wasn't more pointed with you above. This isn't best practice and isn't allowed in my State. I will let you have this without argument. She should've had a follow up and I'll add she very likely needs a psychiatric evaluation to get her Dx'd and to get her on the proper Rx's. BUT that's not up to you, so it's a waste of your time and everyone elses to get hung up on that.

The last little tidbit I have for you is from my perspective I see a man who was miserable when his wife was suffering, and is miserable now that she's not. So you wanted her to get better and she did but she didn't get better the way you wanted her to so now you're trying to get her and the universe to bend to your will and be the person you thought she was, and the person you want her to be and for it to be the MR you want. When you could've been applying that time and energy to finding a way for you and your wife to change and grow together. This is the part that comes off as arrogance to me. And that isn't introversion my friend, that's control. 100% control. But you're here now and you're welcome to stop wasting all that energy any time you like and turn it toward you changing and growing on your own while you bide your time with the MR stuff.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you're are some poor shlub who just wanted a W and kids and the happy little family he signed up for and his W went totally off the rails. And you just need love and support through this. But I've yet to have gotten that here. I'm hoping when you have time to offer more there is actually more.