Unsure where we are going

[BL42]

today we went on a preplanned canoeing trip. I just let her do her thing, when she was on the phone, I walked off and spent time with the kids.

That's awesome! Making memories with the kids! Keep it up.

Im just curious if it is part of a softening. She even said "Thankyou" when we got home from the canoeing trip, though she didnt thank me personally, she used "we thankyou", as if referring to her and the kids. I just said "Yes it was fun" and walked off.

I think what people are trying to tell you - and others can feel free to chime in if they disagree with me - is the "signs" you're pointing out are not actually signs. They're trivial things which have no bearing on the sitch. One bbq invite, buying a pair of slippers online, a "thank you" for taking the kids out....etc. Not trying to get you done, but the fact you're pointing these things out as "softening" comes across that you think they might be significant and are hopeful it makes things are good. We're just saying from experience not to get too hopeful based on these...continue to manage your expectations.

We are bot British citizens (may wife has given up her Russian citizenship years ago). We are both resident of a Gulf Arab country that has strict sponsorship and residence laws. I am sponsored by my company and I sponsor my family. My company can cancel my sponsorship at any time and I could cancel my family's sponsorship. Without sponsorship you need to leave the country. If my wife is divorced she automatically looses her sponsorship as you can only be sponsored by a company or spouse.

My wife works her, so she has her own money, albeit a salary a lot less than mine. I provide her with additional cash every month and I cover all bill.

None of our assets are in this country. We have a full paid off house back in the UK (in both our names) and we have a stockbroking savings account in Luxembourg (under European law and in both our names)

My understanding of divorce here is that as neither of us is Muslim, the divorce proceedings can occur under the law of the home country (UK). However once the divorce has been finalised, my wife would have to leave the country unless she got another sponsor (not likely). So I believe that I cannot stop her getting a divorce if she wants. Although she says otherwise (you need husbands permission).

Having said that, I have no authority over her leaving the country (I cannot leave the country without an exit permit from my company). So she could empty the stockbroking account in Luxembourg (she has full access). Get on a plane to the UK and proceed with a divorce there, under European law, where she would get at least 50% of the property we own and probably full custody of the children.

Why does she not do this if she has demanded a divorce? Im am not really sure, but I suspect that she wants me to initiate the divorce so that she can tell everyone that I am the bad guy. Not that she has been the one sleeping around.

This is exactly what I was getting at. Know your rights. I suspected, and it sounds like, getting a D in the UK is going to work against you in terms of assets, custody, child support...etc. I don't know UK divorce law, but my guess is her affair has no bearing on the divorce (it doesn't in much of the US, including my state) Are you able to file and get divorced in the Arab Gulf country? If you are, I'm assuming the affair might play a much bigger benefit to your case there than "back home".

IF you can do something strategic or tactical to strengthen your case, you should absolutely consider that into your decision on how to proceed. Are you able to arrange things in your Luxembourg savings account to your benefit? Transfer it into the Arab Gulf state? ...etc, etc. Think about these things and consider your game plan. I know you don't want to get divorced, and you want to work this out, but if it comes to that (and that's up to her, not you at this point) you should put yourself in the best situation to get the best deal. Cynical? Maybe. But also smart. Better to be divorced against your will with my money and more time with the kids, than get divorce against your will with half the money and little to no custody. She's admitted affairs and admitted she's considering divorce. She's tipping her hand. Use it to prepare yourself.