The one time she spoke to me today she asked for some cream for my younger sons mosquito bites. I told her to give him an anti-histamine as the doctor had told me that last time. She started to raise her voice and said "What do you mean, do you think the dr fixed it. I bought some cream last time and that fixed it". I was about to argue and say "Well thats what the Dr said". However I thought why bother and I said "So can we use the cream you bought again?". She lowered her voice tone and said "I will go an buy some". I think this is a real 180 compared to how we used to talk to each other.
Hmmm. I see a spoiled WW that got her way. I agree you shouldn't argue, but the real test is when you stand your ground on something.
"You can use the cream, or you can follow the dr's advice. However, I refuse to stand here and be yelled at about it." Then walkaway.
Yeah and before I check out I'm going to totally disagree with this. Sorry, Steve.
You're not her dad. Do not turn a small spat in to a hill to die on. I think you handled it ok. Not great but ok. Every single little spike in emotion does not require you to react or to be used as a "teachable moment" for your W. Like an angsty teen she will not learn to respect you she'll only learn to resent you more if you do that. That's why I say you handled it fine. You deescalated. That's what was important in the moment. No fuel added to the you're a crappy H and we can't get along so why should we be married file.
The only thing I would've said, is "Ok, what ever you think is best," in as flat an affect as you could muster with out being passive aggressive and be done with the conversation. If it isn't a medical emergency and there's no harm in her solution vs yours so be it. This is good practice for dealing with her in the near future and it's good practice for you in co-parenting should this situation find it's way to a D.
Not sure we are misaligned here. I agree with everything. However, I do think SA needs to stop letting her scream at him. He isn't her dad, but neither is she his mother. She needs to be conditioned that screaming doesn't result in what she wants, vs. now where screaming gets her her way. Bad dynamic.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
