Can you explain a bit more what you mean by "taking action"?
I would have kissed her.
or
I would have got up and moved away.
(All depending on how I read her body language and facial expressions and tones etc) or (how I wanted the interaction to go)
I was thinking exactly that--I was baffled that you took an interaction where you were connecting romantically, and started apologizing for your shortcoming. In my experience, confusing behaviors like yours come from a confused mind. I've been there. Do you want to reconnect romantically? Maybe you have not figured that out. Figure that out. Then, the next time, you can either move in for the kill or walk away depending on what you actually want from your marriage now.
I don't think your situation is hopeless. You stonewalled for a year, she told you she wanted a divorce, and she told you she was having an affair--hardly the worst of WAWs. A mutual desire to R and leave behind As seems required to R if monogamy is important to you. Note, there are couples here who R'd after an A here, and the apology came much later (see May's thread). I'm curious, in all these R talks, has she said she's done or willing to be done sleeping with other men? Have you asked? Has she come up with or otherwise expressed anything she's willing to do to work on the marriage? How will your own working on the marriage look different before and after third parties are out of the picture?
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
At one point I walked off, then I came back and apologised for walking off.
Walking off to cool down is actually advised by Gottman, whom I know you're studying. Apologizing when you're wrong is great--take care not to over-apologize for other reasons.
