Hoping things are getting better

[Ready2Change]

Can you explain a bit more what you mean by "taking action"?

I would have kissed her.

or

I would have got up and moved away.


(All depending on how I read her body language and facial expressions and tones etc) or (how I wanted the interaction to go)

[detachA]

It depends on if you want to have a longer interaction.....I think either are fine. Can you come up with others that are acceptable?

I imagine at the moment I should never tell her I feel bad around issues in the relationship, just tell her I'm good and put a smile on, even if I feel like crap?

W: Are you ok
Me: Yes, great

[detachA]

I would have kissed her.

or

I would have got up and moved away.


(All depending on how I read her body language and facial expressions and tones etc) or (how I wanted the interaction to go)

I see you point, she had her kissing face on and I think I blew it. Yes, less talk more action. What an idiot, I can be!

[Ready2Change]

Now the harder part, what if that someone is YOU?

So if it is me I should just say this same thing?

I understand how my [put behaviour/action here] would make you feel [put her emotion here]

There may be better ways, but I believe that is a good start. LH19 might be able to elaborate.

[detachA]

scaredA, there is saying around here: When she wants to reconcile you will know. When she doesn't you will be confused. How would you describe your state of mind right now?

Yes, I'm confused

[Ginger1]

[align:left][/align]RTC- you would have kissed your wife when she admitted to being physical with another man and has no remorse because it technically wasn’t cheating because she wasn’t in love with him ?

DM. Men are bonkers

[Ready2Change]

What an idiot, I can be!

It is all about learning. Every interact can be a learning experience.

Even her kissing face may have been to manipulate you. Just having a new sense of awareness is a good skill.

[detachA]

[align:left][/align]RTC- you would have kissed your wife when she admitted to being physical with another man and has no remorse because it technically wasn’t cheating because she wasn’t in love with him ?

DM. Men are bonkers

I get your point, but she was saying she has no remorse not because she didn't love him, but because she feels she is already separated as we haven't spoken to each other for nearly a year

[BL42]

She went to the bathroom and when she came back she pulled her chair right in front on mine. She leaned into "kissing range" from my face and said "What are you looking at?", I said "A beautiful woman", She said "Good", then I apologised for treating her badly by stonewalling. At this point the conversation went bad. She pulled away again and she started talking about how much she wanted a divorce and I couldn't change, etc, etc. Unfortunately, I let myself become involved and a load of discussion about the affair began.

So...as soon as she reeled you in and confirmed she had you on the hook she let you go. She knows she has power over you and can manipulate you with even the faintest sign of a potential kiss. Notice as soon as you showed weakness she pulled away.

This went on for a while, and I probably revealed more than I should have done about what I know about the affair.

She got information out of you, which you had been planning to keep secret. Remember tell her generally you know, but not exactly what you know or how you know it.

At one point I walked off, then I came back and apologised for walking off.

That's pretty weak. She's having an affair and you're the one apologizing...for walking off?

She said I should not be spying or keeping track on her as this will only make things worse.

Translation: she wants you to stop spying so she doesn't get caught. If she wanted to reconcile she'd want you to check up on her to prove to you she's true to you.

[align:left][/align]RTC- you would have kissed your wife when she admitted to being physical with another man and has no remorse because it technically wasn’t cheating because she wasn’t in love with him ?

DM. Men are bonkers

I get your point, but she was saying she has no remorse not because she didn't love him, but because she feels she is already separated as we haven't spoken to each other for nearly a year

She is MARRIED to you. She doesn't get to sleep with other people just because "she feels she's already separated". That's cheating, period. You need to work on your stonewalling, for sure. An entire year is an extremely long time in a relationship not to talk to your spouse, and it likely won't be healed soon if at all, but cheating is cheating. You're making excuses for her because you want her back. Don't.

[LH19]

S,

The staycation was a bad idea period. You end up in a relationship talk that includes her talking to you about having sex with another man and then you want to cuddle. It’s very weak behavior.

Right now she knows you’re desperate to save the marriage and is going to use your uncontrollable behavior against you. I understand you you were acting like a prick the last year but there is nothing you can do about that now.

It’s time for some boundaries and there should be some serious consequences if broken.