SSRI's and divorce - Wife doesn't love me anymore

[BL42]

costanza,

I understand the plan and giving space and all, it's the same principal as dating. Being cool and in control is way more attractive than being clingy and weak, I get it.

Yep. Though understandably harder when it's your W and the mother of your kids and not just some random Tinder date.

However, what I'm struggling with is what going through the separation is going to do to my children. I know there isn't much in my control, but it's just soo difficult to turn my back and say "oh well, move on" when my 2 daughters will suffer the consequences of their parents failed marriage for the next 30-40 years.

I completely understand. Your children are very similar in age to mine at BD. I won't lie it's been a difficult year for my kids, especially S4 (now S6). He's cried and been angry and had meltdowns. It [censored] to see. He does seem to have gotten better over time. I can only pray this won't impact them mentally and emotionally long term. You read things on both sides of it.

Unfortunately as you note it's totally out of your control. The only thing you can do - and MUST do - is be the best possible father to your children you can be. Be the strong, stable rock they need right now.

I feel like i can do the cool, calm and collected guy, that's who I am naturally, but thinking of my kids and abandoning my (real) wife makes me panic. I just feel like there is something more I need to do "turn over every rock". At least if we went to therapy together or if her Dr/Therapist suggested to change or stop the antidepressants well then we'd know it is indeed her making the decision and not a chemical imbalance. I'm not the only one concerned here, her parents are as well.

Nearly everyone on here recommends avoiding marriage counseling unless both parties are committed to working on the relationship. I only know that my case they were 100% right. ExW had no interest in it whatsoever. When she finally agreed she told me she wants a D in just our 3rd session.

Not gonna lie, it's tough, ups and downs. I keep hoping for a miracle and sudden change, but I know from past experience and from reading all your posts that it doesn't work that way.

Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

As sad as I am about losing my wife, i'm equally terrified by how much she's changed, and the impact on the children. Relationship wise, I know i'll be ok. I was also contemplating separation when we were both living through the postpartum phases, but then the period between kids came and also before the antidepressants and we were just soo happy, so close to living the dream I/we had hoped for, nice little family, great relationship, amazing families on both sides with great careers/salaries. Now the future isn't looking quite so bright.

I completely understand. Sorry man. It's tough, but you'll get through it.

My dad just came out of ICU for 4 days, he's been diagnosed with an incurable lung condition which will require major changes to his lifestyle.

Wow, that's awful news. I'm very sorry to hear that. I'll keep him in my prayers.

costanza - What are you doing for yourself? Any GAL?