Wolfman moving forward2

[Wolfman]

Thank you all for your wonderful advice. I need to continue to work on the validation. I really stink at it. I guess a lot of times I am just astonished what my d says about me and what our relationship was. It’s hard to validate at times when they are complete lies. For example a couple of weeks ago, my d said, isn’t it true your gf does not get along with her parents or talk to them? How would I validate that, when it’s a lie? So I replied, I don’t know where you heard that but your brother met gf’s family the other day. We even went out to diner with her parents and her sisters family. So I am a little confused how you could say that? I definitely needed to clarify that. I know my d point is trying to say that my gf has problems with people, but it wasn’t true at all. Even the therapist chimed in and said d how can you say that when your brother has met them? Then my d backpedaled and said, oh s said he did meet them once. So I asked they why would you say that? She changed the subject. So yes, I feel I need to clarify certain situations. I guess I am not always sure when to validate and when to make a point. Does anyone have any suggestions for me how to make a conversation with my d? I ask about school, example, “Tell me about your last few days about school.” I try and use open ended questions to get more than a one word response. But she still cuts it short. She will respond, “it was ok.” I will say can you tell me something that stood out as funny or bizzarre? She will respond, no. I even tried 2 sessions ago to bring cards. I said let play some cards and chat. She refused. I try not to make it into an interrogation, so I try and tell her things that happened during my day. Nothing. Then the therapist will ask her to speak or say something; then she will attack me about something. Again, usually lies that I can disprove. With either texts, pictures or emails. So again, how do I validate attacks on me? I feel if I would have validated her with theses attacks I would look like a monster. Please help me with that everyone. Definitely a skill I am not good at or even understand. Being attacked with lies and sit there and validate and not defend.

More to come. Huge problem happened at therapy on Friday. My ex is out of her mind. I’ll write about it soon. Thank you everyone for sticking with me.