Originally Posted by kml
He’s had a lot of words but no action. It’s fine to be kind to him but until you see any action that actually shows a sincere desire to reconcile, keep on your path.

Correct kml. That's the thing I constantly repeat to myself. I can see a clear change in his behavior compared to the past 2,5 years, but I haven't seen any sincere actions yet, simply an awareness, perhaps even a bit more, an aknowlegement, which is getting bigger and bigger now.

Originally Posted by DnJ
Follow up with the boys. Validate and assure them that Dad actual is a somewhat different person. That past unrealized trauma(s) have risen and will no longer be ignored.
The boys have seen Dad’s duality. The two (or more) different personalities / emotional states living within him. They know it. Now, it’s time to believe it.
Your boys will do fine with such knowledge and awareness. With such a belief.D

The boys know and believe it. The difference between your XW and my H is that H for a very long time was an in-house MLC'er, which means the children have seen his different personalities numerous times.

Originally Posted by DnJ
To my S20, his Mom is just a different person. A person he is not particularly fond of, nor respects. She is a stranger. A person who’s views and morals he would not invest his time is getting to know, if she weren’t his Mom. Therefore, why just because she is his Mom. I can’t fault his logic. D

TBH, I completely understand his way of thinking.

Originally Posted by DnJ
Validate more. Solve less.D

I struggle with finding the correct responses in regards to validation, and always say too much...

Originally Posted by DnJ
Still, words are words and H can change direction rather quickly.D

Yesterday, after his call, I sent a message to thank him for his openness, that I know this must not have been easy for him to do.

His reply was, isn't this the least I can do? Then 4 hours later the following message,

"I have to get through and I don't have a choice but to look into the eye of the storm."

I didn't sent a response anymore since I don't really understand what he meant with that, so I left it as it is.

An awakening that has lasted for 3 days already... that's the longest he's ever had.
All others lasted max. a few hours of 1 evening.

But I know I have to sail my course. I always find it harder to do so when I see improvement but this time I won't change it.