Hoping things are getting better

[BL42]

scaredA,

I'm going to be blunt. Your W is having affairs, does not respect you at all, and is LYING directly to your face. It may be hard to believe she's lying, or rather easy to believe what she's saying, because you know her as your W of 16 years and mother of your children so you're inclined to believe her and want to think there's hope to keep your family together, but right now she doesn't care about your or being a family at all. She may even HATE you, and relish in betraying you.

Don't mean to be harsh, but your sitch is bad. You hadn't talked to her for nearly a year, she's had multiple affairs and is lying and disrespecting you and talking about moving out of the country. It's unlikely she's going to have a quick turnaround. It's much more likely heading towards a D. Get a L, know your rights, start protecting your assets and custody with the kids. Work on yourself and GAL and be a great dad.

She then told me it was over and has been for a few months. However I know that she met another man (the first time they met) last weekend. I called her on that, but said that someone I knew had seen her, rather than how I actually know. She admitted it and said it was a friend. I then called her again saying she had been seen in (insert hotel name here) where she had met the AP.

So, the next day my wife came into the room I was sleeping and started going on about how she didn't cheat or betray me and that it was all my fault

She then told me it meant nothing and was just sex and if it makes me feel better, she didn't love him.

Look what's she's saying. She's denying what you know to be true, and then admitting only to what you know/can prove. Several times. She's lying to your face. My ExW did as well. I had tangible evidence and she'd lie right to my face. It's likely what she'd done to date is worse than she's admitted or you know. Sorry, but it's the truth.

I raised my voice a little, but wasn't rude/critical and said "You have arranged this, I will not be taking them".

Five minutes later she called again, said she had my son with her and he wanted to go. I agreed to come home and we all went to the event.

You look weak. First you say "no" and leave, and then you agree to go and even take a family photo. She knows she can manipulate you. Get stronger.

When we got home from the sports event it was arounds 11:30 pm. She immediately said she needed to go to get something from the grocery store. I thought this was a bit strange at this time at night, but didn’t say anything.

I put the kids to bed and went and sat downstairs. I know that all the shops close at midnight, so I wanted to see what time she got home. She was back home around 00:20 and did have some shopping, but not anything that I could see was urgently required at that time of night.

My ExW would go grocery shopping for an hour when OM1 could talk and I'd line up the phone bill times with her being out. What could your W possibly need at that time? It's likely she was talking to another man.

There was no direct relationship talk, but she was discussing the kids school stuff and wishing that we could buy a rental flat back in our home city.

DO NOT, under any circumstances, buy or rent a place in a different country without fully understanding the legal implications. Talk to a L. With two kids and living in a country neither of you are citizens of, I imagine the laws are complicated. Don't allow her to take the kids back to Russia or wherever and put you in a bind. Make sure you know the law and fully understand the potential consequences before you make any living accommodation moves.

During all this time her phone was on the table and she opened it a few times in front of me to use whatsapp. I could see the message and it was to her female friend. At one point she went to the toilet and left the phone on the table, but I didn’t touch it. Around 3 AM she was very drunk and just went to bed.

It's likely she was talking to another man. My ExW would text him while in the room with me, while laying in bed with our son...etc. She was either oblivious to how obvious it was, or didn't care.

She has a job, but I give her quite a large amount of money every month as my salary is much bigger than her. I could say that I will not fund her going out with other men and stop this payment.

If I do this things are going to get a lot worse in out relationship as at least we are communicating at present.

Talk to a L in your country of residence and your country of citizenship and fully understand your rights. Do not subsidize her lifestyle while she's cheating on you in the hopes if you keep doing it it'll cause her to want to reconcile.