Out of the bottle

[BL42]

Magnhild,

She stopped by my room in school on Friday (it's Sunday now) about school stuff and then asked me if she could collect something from the house on Saturday.

She seems to be in the habit of just "stopping by" at work. Selfish on her part and not helpful for your feelings. We talked about this before, but I recommend telling her NOT to stop in anymore. If that doesn't work, talk to your supervisor/HR - the message will be clearer coming from them.

It was a stupid conversation about a washing rack. We have 3 and she needed one. I use all 3 so told her she had made her decision to move out, so no. She was visibly upset, and I realised I WAS being an arse. Anyway, she also needed her Halloween costumes and said she would be round the next day to pick them up. I made sure I was out as I wanted to give her time to do what she needed without me being around the house.

Pack up ALL her stuff (drying rack, Halloween costume...etc.) and put it out on the porch or in the garage. Tell her she has one chance to get anything else. Don't let her continually come by to pick things up...better to rip the band-aid right off...the trickle of tag-ups isn't helpful for your emotions.

I have been being really strong and hardly initiating any contact since the day she left,

Great!

but today I am really having a hard time holding things together. I want to reach out and let her know I want to do everything possible to make our marriage work.

Don't do it!

I realise that by giving her the space she wants, I don't think I have ever told her that I don't want to give up.

She knows. Better she starts thinking you're no longer an option.

Yes, I get the whole "detaching" thing, dropping the rope and all that, and I'm trying to do that. I'm still GALing my butt of.

Awesome! Keep it up.

But I need help from you wise people. If I do let her know how committed I am on working on getting us back on track, that seems to be going against everything I'm reading on here. However, she doesn't know that I am willing to do everything in my power to do so. Should I tell her?

NO! Don't do it. She won't respond how you hope she will, and it'll hurt you.

On another note, my previous long term partner (going back over 20 years here) has been in contact recently. She is going through her own bad break up now, too. We chatted for over 3 hours last weekend. It's good to be able to reconnect, and we ended up talking about about her & I. She told me she has always regretted leaving me. I must admit, it felt good to hear that, albeit 20 years later!

Cool vindication, but don't get caught up in that.

I'm not sure why I'm such a wreck today, but please, any hand hold now would be greatly appreciated. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

They say it's like a rollercoaster. Ups and downs will be expected. Hang in there. Keep working out and GALing and over time it'll get better.