How can you know this? Or how can you be so sure? I mean it could be just as you assume but far too many times it is not. Did you grow up wishing you could have 2 separate bedrooms or get shuttled to different houses, have to endure mom or dad having different men and women shuttle in and out of your lives?
I’m reporting what I’ve seen. From the kids I’ve spoken to.
Of course, I never grew up wishing to have divorced parents or two bedrooms/homes. Although, some severely dysfunctional / abusive families I suspect that is exactly what the kids would wish for.
My statement is the ease of transition from the old norm to the new norm. How the younger child achieves it quicker and better than the older parent.
How can I be so sure? Did you mean for these two particular girls? I’ve had several times with them. Seen them. Listened to their words and mannerisms. The girls are loved and accepting of both of their parents and their situation - even though Mom basically hates Dad.
The Dad was betrayed, left behind at a campground 2500 miles from home. Mom took the girls. Hoped a flight and returned home, while the unsuspecting Dad was emptying the tanks on the trailer. He came back to the campsite and wondered where everyone was. It was something like five hours before she answered her phone and told him what she’d done.
He had to travel home to a house with changed locks and police waiting for him. His wife lied to the police. Accused him of molesting the children and abusing her. He was arrested. He went quite crazy for a while, such an unbelievable turn in his life.
It took almost two years of court battles, once a week hour long supervised visits with his own daughters, court ordered counselling, court ordered parenting courses, before the truth was finally vindicated. His XW was finally revealed.
She had crushed him. Stole money. Lied about assets. And had won a very unfair alimony and custody arrangement. The default it seems still favours the mother, or perhaps the one who attacks first.
Anyhow, I walked beside this guy. Talked to him over the years. He found forgiveness. Got this mess sorted out. Got back a bunch of money. Got the alimony proper. And got 50/50 custody.
The girls have two homes. And a loving Dad.
Like I said, be Dad. Be strong and stable. Never let them down. There is no better feeling than that of pride from your children. The truth wins out.
These two girls seem very well adjusted with all that has happened in their young lives. A couple of beliefs as to why based upon my observations of them and the many friends of my own kids as well as my own kids.
The girls were wanted. Even though they were weaponized, they were still wanted by both parents.
They were young. Around 5 & 7. They of course did not want their family ripped apart. However, it was clear it was not their doing.
The biggest reason, in my humble assertion, they accept easier because it was believed they would.
People beget that which they believe. Positive begets positive. Negative begets negative. Karma, fate, whatever you wish to call it.
If a parent believes that kids can and do accept things easier - they will. We will unknowingly (until realized) work towards that which we hold deep conviction for. Belief is a powerful force. And most people’s beliefs are not what they think they are.
Originally Posted by DonH
They may try to be accepting and they most certainly are aware but if given the choice I’m confident the great majority would ask to have their mom and dad back together and would give up their two bedrooms and fractured lives in an instant to have their family whole again.
For a while this is the viewpoint. Even for us LBS. Eventually, they grow. As we all do. We all let go the fanciful wishes and accept. That ushers in healing and no longer believing one has a fractured life. And it is then, when they truly do not. Fractured ends when one believes it has.
The two girls are not at that point yet. They are young and doing fine. Their teenage years, boyfriends, driving lessons, and so on are all coming. Much growth is also coming. Personally, I believe they are on a good path. More importantly, their Dad believes it. And he will influence them, unknowingly most likely, yet influence he will. He forgave his wife and loves his girls. They have a very good role model to follow.
My own four children were put through the wringer by their Mom. I’ve had plenty of open honest conversations with them. They accepted their new lives quicker than I. They were not as invested in my marriage, obviously. Their Mom threw them away. I never did. All it takes is one strong stable loving parent. Believe it!
Acceptance and forgiveness are attainable. No matter what the situation. Just takes faith and conviction to get there. And the desire to do so. A certain age it seems is not a requisite.
Sometimes kids are the role model.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
