I used to be upset by ghosting. I have been deleted in the middle of a very normal convo. None of it ever made sense, but I sure learned you have to let it roll off your back if you want to stay in the game. To KML’s point, many people choose ghosting now because people tend to become very angry when someone isn’t interested. And when you had that experience, it’s out of nervousness and disappearing is the only option to some.
Tinder is tough. It’s a mixed bag. A lot of people cheating on their spouses. A lot of people separated, still living im house separation. Most who just want a hook up. Rarely an R on Tinder, but it does happen.
One guy I went on a few dates with is freshly divorced and his ex W just gave birth to her OM’s kid and is going through custody stuff with their 2 young kids. Great guy, just not in a relationship zone. We became friends though. Actual real friends.
I’m dating another, this guy is really into me. He’s been hinting at exclusivity and it so happens I am now the avoidant. Go figure. But I guess rarely on tinder, a relationship could come out of it.
Just keep having fun, but don’t give to much space to online ghosters you never met . Totally not worth it !
one of my dearest friends' son married his tinder date. they are so adorable and have been together what, 5 years now? so yes, it does happen, even on tinder.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thanks everyone. Yeah…Tinder is definitely a mixed bag. It’s where I met JB who, oddly enough, swiped right on my profile again on Tinder. Ummm…you have my phone number. If I didn’t know him, I’d swipe right on him again…lol. He is one of the more appealing guys on there. I wish I had liked him more than I do.
I also met TDH on Tinder. Even though that didn’t turn out so well, he was definitely looking for a relationship and not hook ups.
Been chatting with a guy in Washington. He’s super nice. Neither of us want to do the distance thing but we just like talking to each other. Nice to find someone who speaks in full sentences and uses punctuation. He’s a biomedical professor at a university and has been divorced for three years. Our kids are similar ages. He’s definitely someone I’d be into if he didn’t live so far away. We’re going to be friends and lament to each other about the joys of OLD and raising teenagers in this day and age.
Great to hear you met someone who is into you Ginger!! I knew you would eventually. Hopefully it is a love connection and you can leave OLD in the rear view mirror. <3
So...for all of you following along with my dating adventures, this one is going to make you laugh. And also illustrate how clueless I am sometimes...
Two years ago, I got a call from a friend of mine. She told me that her agency was likely getting funding for a pilot program and she wanted to talk with me about it. She added that she was inviting a second person, a guy I had worked with on the mainland for about ten years who was now here working at her agency. She told me she thought he was great (I agree...my recollection was that he was an awesome guy and we have numerous mutual friends on FB and IRL) and she wanted him to work in this program with me. So I went to this lunch and she did 90% of the talking. She's hilarious so it was fun. It was also good to see my former colleague and, at some point, I remember wondering if he was still in a relationship (he had left the country from our old workplace) and that he was really cute in a boy-next-door kind of way (my type). After the lunch, I recall that the next time we talked, she asked me about my adventures in dating and then jokingly said "What about D?" At that time I wasn't sure what his marital status was and I also worried that if I said I was interested, she would go running to him trying to match us up and embarrass me so I just laughed it off and never really answered the question. The end. Or was it?
Yesterday, I called a friend who had worked at the same agency that me and D had worked at back in the day. We decided we wanted to attend a retirement party of our former bosses and made plans to carpool and share expenses. I then recalled my lunch with D and mentioned to her he was living in my town and might be going. She was surprised to hear that he was back in the country and decided he may be single now. She then commented that he and I would make a cute couple and that I should find out if he is single. We subsequently decided I should reach out to him to see if he wanted to catch a ride with us and if he comes with us, gauge it from there.
So after talking with her, I messaged him via FB and he replied pretty quickly. He said he had just started a new position so wouldn't be able to take the time off to attend. He said to have a good time and then suggested we get together for lunch again with our mutual friend. I said "sure" and then added that if he ever wanted to get together for coffee or something, I'd be up for it. He then messaged me back and said "How about next week?" So I gave him my phone number and he said he would text me in a few days to figure out plans. He also warned me that he likes to send random funny texts. I said, great, me too!!
So after we agreed to meet, I messaged our mutual friend we had gone to lunch with and told her to not get excited but that me and D were having coffee next week. She was thrilled and then went on to say what a great guy his is and that he would treat me amazingly well. "Would it be so bad to be cherished DV?" I told her I thought that was an awesome thought but that I didn't even know if he was single and this was a date or if it was just two former colleagues getting together to catch up. She then replied, "He is!!" I said I thought it would be cool if we liked each other and she replied, "I'm sure that would be up to you. I think he would have been in after lunch two years ago..." Huh?? I asked her if she had talked me up to him and she said, "No. You sell yourself but I did ask if you were interested after lunch." So I told her that I thought she was just joking which is why I had laughed. I said that I hoped the idea of us dating had crossed his mind and she replied, "Oh, it has. Why do you think I brought him to lunch? And asked after? That wasn't for me." WTH?!? She then went on to say that she had to make up an excuse to him after so not to hurt his feelings. I had NO CLUE. I said, "so you mean I could have been off these dating apps two years ago?!" "YES!!! I tried!!!" Colour me shocked. Whatever happened to the direct approach? "Hey DV. This fantastic, available guy you used to work with would like to ask you out. Would you be interested?" Apparently that would be too obvious. SMH.
Anyway...I am a firm believer that timing is everything. I think his marriage split up around the same time as mine so both of us have had at least three years to recover. It is possible that if we had gotten together then, it might have crashed and burned. But now...two years later...who knows?? I'm looking forward to figuring it out.
DejaVu6 - Good luck w/the coffee date. Sounds like you share some social currency (mutual friends and work experiences) and you're both interested in each other, so that's a good sign...hope it goes well.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
DV, good luck with the coffee date! A friend in common suggesting Ms. Sunshine and I carpool (when neither of us had expressed any interest in carpooling, and prefer driving our own cars). That's actually how we got to talking more. Whatever you think of her, pay attention when friends seem to be trying to hook you up.
Super excited. After being cancelled last year, my favourite local tournament is back. Five straight days of pool starting tomorrow with Scotch Double. XH is taking the kids, XMIL is taking the dog and I have five glorious days of playing the sport I love. We still have a mandatory mask mandate in my province so I’m going to have to play with a mask on but I’m okay with it. It’s better than not playing at all. I’m a bit rusty but who knows… just going to go and give it my best shot.
I finally had that coffee date with my former colleague. We both have every other Monday off so we met last Monday at a coffee shop. We talked non stop for three and a half hours. It was a lot of fun. We talked about all kinds of things and it was pretty effortless. He has exactly the kind of humour I appreciate and he understands the work that I do which is a huge bonus. I don’t really talk about work with friends because it would take too much to explain the nuances of it for them to really understand where I am coming from. D just gets it. So since last Monday, he has texted me almost every day. Random funny observations and jokes. Last night, when I was at my pool league, he texted me a list of pool terms that were pretty funny. It was kinda nice to know that he was thinking about me… in what context, I don’t really know, but at the very least, I think we have the makings of a really good friendship. I really like his personality. He’s empathetic and compassionate but also has a bit of an edge to him (probably due to his upbringing) that is interesting to me. In terms of me being physically attracted to him, I’m not really sure. He’s attractive enough and a couple inches taller than me….very pleasant looking. I think he is probably in the category of someone who will become more attractive to me, the more I get to know him. Anyway…I told him if he is bored, he should come by the tournament and he said he probably would. Hopefully he will enjoy being there if he does. One of my hopes is that I will end up dating someone who can fit into my pool world. He doesn’t have to play or love it the way I do. It would just be nice to be with someone who doesn’t mind supporting me from the sidelines on occasion. So…jury is out. I am just going to spend time with him as a friend and see if anything develops. I definitely haven’t ruled anything out. Just not in a rush.
I have also exchanged a couple of emails with another potential match although I think I may have put him off a bit. He lives about 20 minutes away from me, is my age, has a solid career and is looking for a serious relationship. He was married for 18 years and together with his wife for 26 years. Sadly, she passed away a couple of years ago. He hasn’t dated anyone… only met two women who were looking for hook ups and he isn’t interested in that. His emails were pretty detailed about who he is and what he is looking for. While I appreciated his honesty and sincerity, I told him that I wasn’t going to exchange multiple emails and text indefinitely to try to build a relationship that way as experience has taught me that it isn’t wise to emotionally invest in someone until you meet them as it can get super awkward if there is no chemistry. So….haven’t heard from him since I wrote that. If I do hear from him, great, if not, then he definitely isn’t my person.
Not much else going on in DV Land. I will let you know how the tournament goes and whether or not D showed up to cheer me on. Hope everyone has a wonderful week. (((HUGS))) to all!!!
