A few eventually find an awakening. A true dropping of their internal walls and seeing their lives as they are. Note: Seeing their lives - plural - and consolidating them into one. Quite a difficult thing to realize and the accomplish for a troubled soul.
Heap on top of all that, the guilt, shame, regret, pride, ego, failure, etc., and it is little wonder H is less than open about his upcoming comeuppance. Less open to your friends, and less open to himself. Still, you walk the kind and compassionate path and do what needs to be done.D
Staying on course but want to share what happened yesterday and today.
DnJ, unbelievable, but what you said above is exactly what happened. The question is how long his "awakening" will last, but it is clear that the impending divorce and the fear of losing his children played a major role in this.
The children talked openly with H yesterday. They told him everything, and also used very harsh words as you predicted. They have poured out their hearts for half an hour to 45 minutes about what has happened in recent years and how difficult it all is for them. S14 even said that he is thinking of cutting off contact completely. H has listened, remained calm at all times, validated what they said and in the end he aknowledged he has been a completely different person and that he has destroyed the whole family with his actions.
This morning H called me. He asked if the children had said anything about the conversation. I told him honestly that we talked about it yesterday evening, that they were very happy they did this and also happy with his response and reactions toward them. And indeed, like my BFF said, there was the old H again. Talked about everything that happened to him for the last 3 years for at least half an hour. He said he had turned 180 degrees, that he had become a completely different person, someone he never really wanted to be. Also told me he went to see his mother last night and talked openly about the fact that she's never been a mother and that he's really struggling with himself as a result. She has of course denied it, but he has said that he has no resentment towards her, that the facts are what they are and that this cannot be reversed anymore.
He also apologized for how he's treated me over the past few years, that his monstrous behavior is because he gets stuck, feels he is losing control and then reacts like a little kid who doesn't get his way and that he don't know why he is still doing this.
Not a word about our M, of course I also intend to continue with what has now been set in motion, since we all know he can turn again in a few hours.
He did say he is having a very hard time because he fears that what he has done in recent years can never be made up for. He fears this will haunt him his whole life and that everyone will look at him differently. Said that is why he has struggled for a long time because he felt like he could never solve this anymore. I told him that what happened can't be reversed, but that it shows a lot of strength to work on this, aknowledge what happened and move forward in the right direction.
This afternoon he sent a message to the children that he will do everything in his power to become the father/person he used to be.
@kml, I am aware of the fact that he can flip again in a few hours, but when this happens I simply listen to him and validate, can't turn my back yet on him.
