KML… I do too. Funny…the more I look at his picture, the more I think I have seen him on the ferry before. I remember seeing a tall guy in uniform on a couple of runs that I thought was cute and it is very possible it was him. It’s a vague memory and he was wearing sunglasses though so not sure. This weekend will be interesting…lol.
I had heard that about Tinder too Don but that’s not been my experience. There are a ton of guys on there in their 40’s and 50’s… at least in my area. I have had more than 500 likes in the last two months…most have been between the ages of 44 and 55. About 50% seem to be looking for a relationship, 25% looking for FWB and 25% it’s unclear. The good news is that people tend to self identify pretty quickly about what they are looking for. I have also had a handful of young guys looking for an older woman. I swipe left on them immediately…lol.
I’ve tried a number of different apps and I have had the most success with Tinder. POF and Bumble have been distant seconds. I don’t swipe right on a lot of people. I swipe left on people who only have pictures and nothing else as well as people who only have text and no pictures. In my opinion, if you can’t take 20 minutes to write a short blurb on who you are and what you are looking for, you’re probably not going to be someone I’d want to meet. And if you don’t have a picture, you are probably hiding something.
For the people I have swiped right on and had conversations with, it hasn’t taken me long to figure out what that person is about. These days, it seems to be perfectly fine for people to be looking for a ONS or FWB situation so it is either written in their profiles or they readily provide you with that information if you ask. I tend to lose interest in people who can’t put two sentences together or use punctuation so I know what it is they are saying. To me, that’s a reflection of intelligence and maturity level.
IDK if I’ve been lucky or if I’m just good at weeding people out but I’ve not had any issues with the dates I’ve been on. They’ve all been who they say they are. All of them have been looking for a relationship and have met me in public places. I’ve had some great conversations - just not found enough of a spark to want a second date. Hopefully that won’t be my experience this weekend. Fingers crossed.
LH… you are so funny. I agree with you about Tinder. You can meet people without paying a dime so people like that aspect of it. I am a paid member because I want to see who has swiped right on me first. It is less time consuming…lol. My profile makes it pretty clear that I am not a FWB or ONS person. I still get likes from those people. I think those are probably the ones who swipe right based on the pics only and haven’t actually read my profile. Not a problem… I just swipe left…lol.
Well…that was a short-lived “relationship”. People are just so strange…even the ones who look great on paper. After several nice conversations and an invitation to go for a walk this weekend, Tinder guy unmatched me sometime today. Now I’m remembering why I have been feeling “meh” about OLD lately. Not gonna lie… I’m disappointed. I was looking forward to meeting him in person. Only on OLD can you be rejected BEFORE you meet someone…lol. Still… I would never just ghost someone I had asked out. At the very least, I would apologize and tell them I had changed my mind or whatever. But I’m not wrong…the flakey ones do self-identify…eventually… Better to know this now than later on I suppose. Back to the drawing board…
Sorry for the disappointment. I don't really understand peoples' flakiness either.
I haven't found OLD all that great. Not sure if it's because it hasn't been long, or the area in which I live, but doesn't seem like there's much out there. How long have you been at it? No one has warranted a second date yet?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
This is why I advise having a coffee date sooner rather than later. Weeds out the looky loos or scammers who have no intention of meeting, gives you a chance to find out early if there’s any attraction, and hopefully gets your foot in the door before they have a chance to get involved with someone else.
That said - it’s just a part of OLD. People are often talking to several matches at once, and then after one good date may decide to pursue that person and let go of the others. Or some, especially if they sound too good to be true, may be a fraud in some way. I still think the odds are better in OLD if you’re over 40 than your odds if you go to a club or a party.
BL - I’ve had a couple of short term relationships from OLD so only just started again in the summer. I don’t swipe right on very many. This is the first guy I’ve talked to online since I went out with JB in July. Mostly I’ve just looked at the profiles of people who have “liked” me first. I went out with a few people in May and June but no one I wanted to see a second time. They were all very nice. Three were interested in a second date but I just wasn’t feeling it. The fourth one was a mutual “no thanks” even though we did have a nice time and both of us said we should want to go out again…we just didn’t…lol. This is the first guy who has ghosted me.
I think you are right KML. I think there must be someone else in the picture and he decided to pursue her OR he is actually in a relationship already and grew a conscience. I don’t think it was that he suddenly didn’t want to meet me…not when he was the one who asked me out in the first place.
I just hate the whole ghosting thing. How hard would it have been to text me…”Hey. Nice chatting with you but I’ve changed my mind about wanting to meet. Best of luck in the future.” I would have been disappointed but I would have wished him luck in return. To me, it’s just common courtesy but I guess a lot of people prefer to just press delete and avoid a potentially uncomfortable situation? Not nearly as uncomfortable as it would be if we ran into each other in the community which is entirely possible given where he works…lol.
Anyway…I was kinda sad for a little while today but I’m good now. At the end of the day, he just wasn’t my person. Like Bttrfly said…NEXT… (((HUGS)))
Well I can’t say I’m at all surprised about the outcome. This ghosting stuff seems to have become an epidemic and goes right along with the rest of the demise of our society. I truly think it’s learned behavior. Far too many people lack the ability and skill to think on their own. Instead they are sheep and follow the crowd. They have been ghosted themselves or see it happen and now assume it’s proper behavior and do it just as a course of life. It’s sad but I swear it’s what’s been going in. It’s learned behavior. The current learned behavior is you don't have to work and you don’t have to pay your rent - the government has helped to create this expanding mindset and we are starting to see the chaos that has created. But back on topic, this was building years ago already and became soul sucking for me. I was still not going on quality dates and felt crappy on top of it. It will be very interesting to see where all this social media and OLD eventually ends up. Thanks for commenting on Tinder though DJV, interesting to hear and compare your experiences. As I’ve said many times before, OLD could have been a great thing but has been so corrupted by a growing majority it’s hard for me to see any remaining value. Funny thing is, the longer people try it, the closer they move over to my side of thinking on it. I will agree the key seems to meet in person early. The longer a meeting is delayed the less chance it will happen.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Thanks Don. I haven’t completely thrown in the towel but I am rethinking my approach…lol. I’m not someone who has multiple conversations at one time with multiple people. It just feels disingenuous. But maybe if I talked to a lot of people, it would bother me less when/if they disappear? Ugh…so not me…lol. I feel like I am supposed to learn something from this experience but I hate to think it is that people suk and you can’t trust anyone.
Of course, I inevitably go down the road of self reflection and start to wonder why I even want to find someone. I have a pretty good life. Good friends, good career, stable, relatively drama free. Why does it feel like I am missing out because I don’t have a hand to hold? Makes me feel like a weak person and I know I’m not. Such an unsettling feeling.
On that note… time to put my boxing gloves on and head to the gym. I’m going to picture my ghost’s face on the bag. Should make for a good workout. . (((HUGS))) to all!!!
I just hate the whole ghosting thing. How hard would it have been to text me…”Hey. Nice chatting with you but I’ve changed my mind about wanting to meet. Best of luck in the future.”
I learned early on NOT to do this because of the abuse that I would receive in response. It's weirdly different in OLD and this is why you should not talk too long with someone without meeting them - you can start to feel like you're developing a relationship but you're really not until you meet.
You don't NEED a partner but you'd like to have one - that's normal. Sex is great and having someone who is your sounding board is great (although to be fair I do have a best friend who can fill the sounding board role as well). Companionship is nice. It would be grand to have someone who would care for me if I was sick the way I care for CMM, but for most women, honestly, we are more likely to end up caring for the guy since their life expectancy is lower. At least I have grown kids and family who will take care of me if that becomes necessary.
And sure - talk to multiple people at once. If you went to a party you might end up speaking with more than one person, right?
