Hoping things are getting better

[LH19]

So I have confirmed today that there is a physical affair. It has been going on from at least December 2020.

I am sorry scared unfortunately 95% of these have other people involved.

Im really not sure how to proceed. It seems even with all my efforts, she has no desire to change or to finish her affair.

You are correct. She is done and has no desire to work on the marriage.

Me: I really dont want to have an argument, but are we trying to repair our marriage?
W: Yes/No
Me: If no, "I dont think we can go any further forward"
Me: If yes,"Are you still seeing anyone else, if you are we cannot really repair anything"

No this is weak. Plus she will lie.

I would recommend that you not confront her because it won't help.

You will expect her to be apologetic and sad but she will not be, and that will only add to your anger and make things worse for you.

We are conditioned by books and movies to believe that a spouse caught cheating will be remorseful and beg for forgiveness and we imagine that it will feel great to have our wayward spouse in that place after all they've done to us. In reality they most often get belligerent and accusatory when confronted which just makes everything worse.

You will not find the peace you seek through confrontation unfortunately.

She's going to "do her thing" no matter what you do, say, or feel about it. She doesn't need your permission or your blessing, which is a difficult thing to get your head around in the context of a relationship that used to be a partnership. It's not anymore, and the old rules don't apply.

Keep doing what you're doing. You have 0.0% chance to make this better while she is under the spell of an affair. All you can do is last resort technique and ride it out. It will eventually end and at that point if you're still interested you can start to make inroads but for now it's a waiting game.

Im really not sure what to do, I havent eaten all day and feel totally sick.

Try to eat or go out and get some Ensure or protein drinks. Go for a walk or a run in nature. Go to the gym.

Thinking about it, im not sure if the above will do anything.

I promise you it won't have the desired effect that you want.

I feel terrible!

We have all been there. It won't last.