ScaredA, I want to call out that this dynamic of stonewalling / not speaking to your wife for months or years at a time is very unusual. You're the only situation where I recall a full year of not talking to their spouse while living together--that alone would sink many relationships. Since you're using terms like "stonewalling, criticism, defensiveness", etc. it sounds like you're familiar with Gottman's Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. As you work through these, it should improve your relationships a lot.
Agreed, you are right to call me out on it - it is childish and ridiculous. Not wanting to cast blame, but the usual merry go round is:
1) Wife criticises me 2) I stonewall and don't apologise 3) My becomes critical about my silence 4) I retreat further into myself 5) Cycle continues
I'm reading a lot of Gottman at the minute. My main strategy boils down to a few things:
1) Be angry, but not rude/critical 2) Don't be defensive if the argument is over nothing important 3) Always apologise immediately if I make a mistake - which I will make regularly in this process 4) Never go to bed with bad feelings with any of my family 5) Don't initiate conversation/send WhatsApp 6) Give my wife lots of physical and emotional space
