SSRI's and divorce - Wife doesn't love me anymore

[OnlyBent]

I’m guessing that you’re a Seinfeld fan, do you remember the episode where George does the opposite of every instinct he has? You’ll need to employ that strategy in this situation going forward. Drop the rope, focus on yourself and start improving on the things in yourself that need it.

The advice given so far has been on point. Like BL, my experience pretty closely mirrors yours and I am almost 18 months on from BD. I did not save my M, but I’m living a pretty enjoyable life and am content.

All I will add is to really reiterate that the changes need to be for you and no one else. Your initial reaction will likely be to change everything and to want it to happen quickly so she can notice and change her opinion of you. This will not work. Identify what needs changing and then, like LH said, go for small incremental changes. Real change takes time. Be patient and most importantly consistent. Don’t worry about noticing the changes, worry about being consistent. You may not notice for months, the one day all of a sudden you will see a small change and that sense of motivation will kick in all over again.

There was a poster who liked to define his changes by the PIES, physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual. I’ve found it’s a pretty good guide to keep your focus on changes well rounded. Hit the gym, but don’t just hit the gym. Read, do charity, learn about yourself, get uncomfortable, contribute to others here, even if at the start all you can say is I hope things improve or you’re doing great.

You might not see it now, but regardless of the outcome this could well be the best thing that ever happens to you because incredible pain can be the most amazing driver of growth.