Brave Little Gerda Knows More Now

[DnJ]

Good Morning Gerda

Once one has it clear within themselves they cease explaining their reactions. For reactions become a thing of the past.

Personally, I previously craved my reaction to the drama and craziness. The unbelievability of what happened had such a stellar-like component to it. I’ve spoken of my letting go of victimhood and then martyrdom. Just becoming DnJ D.

I still explain! Lol. I explain and suggest, with a hopeful and well intentioned desire. My view is more the explaining facts of the events rather than explaining/justifying my reactions to them.

Feelings are fleeting. Thoughts we can control. We influence and alter our beliefs.

Some values we strengthen and some beliefs we alter and others we need to discard. One belief we need to alter and let go of is our ego’s need to be right. This is not removing that need completely; for our ego serves a valuable purpose. It is letting go or discarding the idea of The Truth.

I have my truth and J has her’s. Each of my kids has their internal version of what transpired and therefore their truth and beliefs. Each of those is valid. And - this is the most important part - true!

Each and every view is true.

That tenet is a difficult thing to find. A difficult ideal to achieve. A hard lesson to learn and believe and live. Yet, such peace and contentment comes from such.

Abstractly, logically, rationally, I agree and believe there is one truth. However, I am not God. I cannot see all ends. I therefore cannot see nor come close to understanding all paths. I only have my wee window and view of the world. My truth of things.

J’s life is her’s. She made decisions and choices based upon whatever torment she is living. That is her truth. Her view. She is absolutely right! Until she decides she isn’t.

That sentiment is the same for any of us. We all hold to our beliefs and values; the underpinning, the definitions of our truth.

Beliefs, values, convictions are slow to change and therefore make excellent headings for life. Irrational feelings rise and fade, rational thoughts discover and dispel, both of which influence our core self.

Beliefs are both irrational and rational. They live within our core self. They are the wellspring of self, the source of our reactions. All of one’s reactions or irrational response to a stimulus is an expression of their deep seated beliefs.

When one really believes in more than one truth, the world becomes a lot better and a whole lot less bitter. The key is letting go our need to be right. Well, actually, our need for others to know we are right. Or the need for others to tell us they were wrong.

Truth really is within the eye of the beholder.

Life’s feedback provides input. Provides reinforcement and influence to what is true. To what is reality. One can ignore such things or embrace. Either way, their view is true to them.

Much peace comes from accepting another’s truth as valid. Acceptance doesn’t imply condoning. Another’s truth, their behaviour, their morals, one can accept, and not agree with or condone it. One doesn’t need to let someone else’s truth rule their life.

Of course, this requires finding that certain conviction within one’s self. Interestingly, most of society is wired against such. And therefore society is repeatedly reenforced with the ideal of absolute right and wrong. Which just perpetuates and further justifies this unaccepting view. Just watch anything on politics. Either side both see themselves as absolutely right in their righteous views. Only standing in the middle, can one see both.

The other interesting ideal that is perpetuated, there is only right or wrong. Win or lose. While in truth, there are many more than two outcomes or points of view. Win-lose, lose-win, win-win, lose-lose for example. These four outcomes are only seen when one realizes the other side. Our default is just our view, our truth. Win or lose. If we win they lose or if they win we must lose. When in fact a win-win scenario is possible, and hardly ever achieved. Of course, one has to realize something before one can work towards it.

Your H seems determined to drag his efforts towards lose-lose. Irrational hurt people tend to loose sight of what is a win or positive outcome. They get lost within the fight and will expend everything to achieve what they feel is a win.

At the end of the film she writes on her mirror, YOU ARE UGLY, and then she rubs it out and writes, HE IS UGLY. But that takes YEARS to get there, to be able to even consider that the other one is the ugly spirit, whether it's MLC or was always there, that doesn't happen over a few weeks, to be able to see clearly.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Write that! Clearly!

H is just hurt. H’s ugliness just keeps you attached. Something to let go.

And yet I am still that too, that girl writing, YOU ARE UGLY on her mirror, or on a post here, and still taking a month or two to think about it and even try to believe that I could be one of those -- the truly ugly one or the one who believes it of herself or the one who finally realizes that maybe it isn't true.

It’s not “maybe it isn’t true”. It’s not true!!

Stop trying to believe and start believing.

That need to justify yourself, it's part of your battle!

Yes it is. And it will remain a battle until you decide it isn’t.

I know the pull of ego. The need to correct other people’s views and the misinformation. Lol.

You cannot win that fight. Our MLCers with expend incredible energies on their narrative. They have to. They absolutely have to!

XW flaunted her new shinny relationship with OM. And the male ego is a fragile thing. Lol.

I was replaced. Thrown away. And oh boy, did she let me know how poorly of a man I was. That is a poison that we all drink and need to transmute. I was broken and trusted her from 30+ years. Her words had complete and unfettered access to my core belief system. I understand and empathize the uphill struggle to believe something else.

The vague sexual innuendoes of her and OM were very hurtful. The not so vague innuendos hurt a lot more! Surprisingly, the outright non-vague non-innuendo telling me of her sexual encounters hurt less. We always imagine these things way worse than they are. Lol.

XW spread her story far and wide. Those that chose to believe her did and those that chose not to did not. My telling of my side to various folks, was, as I discovered, really for me. That stellar-like crazy unbelievable drama is quite addictive and it takes quite a lot of discussion and thinking to ramp down and let go of such a thing.

My path was rather quick. My situation being more compressed than most.

I attribute a lot of my success to two nights that happened very early on:

First, I gave myself to God. “I’m your’s. Let me become whomever I’m suppose to be.” There was so much going on. So much pain. I did not know what to do. I sincerely offered myself to the light. I decided to listen to the wisdom, to life’s feedback, and do and not just try. Through surrender, I gained everything!

Second, I begged God to forgive J. This was after a hellfire nightmare of the eternal torture and torment of J. I begged, on my hands and knees, by the side of my bed, in the complete darkness, for God to forgive her. Pleaded with Him, for J does not deserve such a fate. I realized then, I had forgiven her. When one advocates to the almighty on behalf of their ex, I believe that is a very good sign of letting go and compassion and forgiveness. God, knows infinitely more than I, and will, and is the only one capable of, judging her. Again, letting go and surrendering yields so much!

These are two extremely pivotal moments in my life. I share them with you.

The only thing we really seem to need on this journey is something to love us unconditionally and to give us a hug and say they understand. … I get it, sometimes, through my faith.

I do understand the path you are walking and empathize with the feelings you are experiencing. (((Hug)))

From DnJ’s dark path:

The one’s unconditional love you need is your’s. God already loves you unconditionally. You are seeking your own love of self and strengthening your realization of God’s love. That, is the very creation and fortifying of faith.

DnJ