I'm new hear after having read Divorce Remedy. My wife told me she doesn't love me anymore and wants to split 4 weeks ago. Been together for 11 years, kids 2 & 4. I'm totally crushed to see our lives and dreams come crashing down.
She's had previous heavy depression episodes before we met, and seemed like she recovered, however postpartum seemed to trigger pretty bad year long depressions both times. We went to couples therapy for 4-5 sessions once she recovered from her last postpartum, 4-5 sessions was a huge awakening and we couldn't believe how good it was going. it was 6-7 months of bliss. Once we finished the couples therapy she decided to see her therapist from before we met, because she felt she still had some lingering depression feelings since the postpartum. Therapist recommended antidepressants and Dr prescribed Lexapro.
The change in personality came fairly quickly, I was kinda confused by what was happening and the sudden change, even if things were better than during the postpartums. Her mood was great, no more anger, but she became an extreme extrovert, high energy, activity craving person. Was fun for a little while since nothing seemed to inspire here during the pregnancies and postpartum. However after a few months, the drinking and going out became a lot more frequent as well as her smoking. More and more it seemed like a mid-life crisis, she started to talk about tattoos (which she never liked before), motorcycle adventures, etc.... this started to raise some flags and i started reading up on SSRI's and came across the tonnes of divorce stories and connection to SSRI's, this gave me extreme anxiety. I started to get really paranoid about her going out and her antidepressant prescription.
She made less and less time for us, every kids free night which would've meant a date for us, became her calling friends looking to go out with them. I really struggled with the sudden change. Her high energy encouraged her to enroll in University courses on top of taking a new position at work which requires 1-2 nights per week of evening presentations and meetings. I was really paranoid and not doing well at this point, her high-energy and projects drained my energy since I was now stuck with the kids. When i confronted her about it, I was faced with the coldest person and response I had ever gotten from a relationship. Her reply was along the lines of "I'm feeling great, this is the real me, you can leave if you don't like it." My reply was along the lines of "this isn't you, your pills are boosting you serotonin and happiness which gives you energy, but this isn't you, its the pills. I feel this new you isn't compatible with the relationship and 2 young kids at home. A personal project or two is great, but this is off the charts." This was a few months ago, I told her I needed to work on myself to fix the anxiety and bring up my energy levels, we'd continue the conversation when I felt better. I really thought about our relationship, our challenges, dreams, experiences, etc.... and after a few weeks I was ready to discuss our plan for fulfilling lives and family life. This is when she dumped the separation on me, says she's been trying to work on it for years, but has no love left and we're better off separating quickly. My reaction was to bring up the SSRI's, the alcohol consumption, etc.... and she blocked it all saying there was nothing left to discuss. Refuses therapy and wants to talk to someone to start the separation. She promises there is no one else, and she's always been so brutally honest that I believe her. If anything I think she wishes there was so it'd be easier for me to accept.
I'm trying to follow the steps in the book, but I literally just finished it, so I guess there will be a couple of months before that kicks in. I'm so confused and not sure what I can do, my therapist and Dr tell me she needs to consult help for her drinking while on AD's, but she claims she's doing great and never felt better. I don't understand how someone that was so madly in love with me for so long can suddenly get so turned off and cold that quickly. I have no doubt the medication and alcohol is playing a big part in this, i'm also guilty of not being the best partner the past 6 months due to the anxiety and paranoia, but how can she just forget all the good times and sweep them under the rug in order to avoid the alcohol and AD issue? I feel divorce is the easiest way to get time off from the boring family routine, it'll give her more time for projects and going out for quick and cheap thrills. Almost seems like she's chasing the serotonin and dopamine highs on a regular basis, and can't deal with the periods where the chemicals are balanced.
Any advice or experience with something similar would be soooo appreciated! Thanks for reading!
