Hoping things are getting better

[detachA]

Just making sure I have the timeline right. You didn't talk much for over a year? That's a really long time to not talk, especially while living together.

Basically yes, there has been some basic conversation around kids. basically my wife sat in the bedroom with the door closed all the time she was at home

If she's threatened divorce and even filled out the paper work I would think this is very serious.

I agree, she claims the only reason it hasn't been filed it that she cannot file without husbands permission due to this country following Sharia law. I pretty sure that this is not the case as lawyers have told me so, I have been told you can file by your home country rules if you are both non Muslim.

So she's Russian and you're living in a Muslim country. Sounds like you're not Russian. Are you from the country you're living in now? Seems like your situation could get complicated legally based on the international aspect. You may want to start understanding the law and where you stand in terms of citizenship, residency, and your kids.

Yes, I'm Western European. The law here is basically any assets get split by the ratio of who paid for them. But they have no jurisdiction on overseas assets (we own a house back in Europe).

Just to clarify...you are living together, correct?

Yes we are in same house

I won't quote all the occurrences, but sounds like she's told you multiple times she's been having an affair with someone since 2018. I'd believe her. This is speculation, but I wonder if the Valentines Day 2020 improvement/sex was related to a fight she had with OM and keeping you on the hook?

I'm not sure what to think about the affair. I never suspected or queried her about an affair. All information was volunteered to me. Also, a lot of what she says and does, doesn't make sense. The following all occurred during the same argument:
" I have been seeing him since 2018 and want you to move out so he and I can move to the next level"
"I want to leave this country and move back to Europe and live in our house there"
"I'm not a cheater"
"He is happy with his wife"
"He says nice things to me"
I asked her to prove the affair by showing me his txt message "I delete them as soon as I read them"
"People usually keep these things secret, I am telling you"
"We didn't use condoms, don't worry he is clean"
Two minutes later "We used condoms"
"I have never been with another man since I met you"
"I thought "Why not" when sex came up"
"Now every time I go out you will be worried where I am"
"I don't want to talk about him with you"
"I not going to stop seeing other men"


After this discussion she didn't leave the house, except going to work, for two weeks.

My DB coach suggested I do not ask about or discuss the affair with her. My coach suggests that if my wife brings it up again, I should not ask questions just say "It hurts me very much to hear you say things like that".
The affair has been brought up voluntarily three times. There has been no mention of it since the the 24th August.

What are you doing for yourself? Working out, activities, friends...etc.? Make sure you're doing things to improved your own life.

I'm exercising, reading a lot and spending time with my kids.

Sounds like you've moved out of the master bedroom? There's a lot of talk on this board about respect and strength. Right now you're probably acting out of fear and weakness because your W is threatening you with D and affairs. You need to flip that power around. Get strong. Show her you'll be fine without her. Reclaim some of the power. I've seen it suggested many times on here to reclaim the martial bedroom. If she wants to move out, so be it, but why should you be inconvenienced?

Good luck. Keep posting and more people will respond.

Yes, I was the one who moved out, over one year ago. She didnt ask me to move out. In fact she asked me to move back in again around about 10 months ago. I refused and said I did not want to. Im not sure if I should make a confrontation about the bedroom at the moment, after two months of no arguments and some improvement in the situation.

I appreciate your advice!