There's at least a couplea red flags there that I think one should be able to pick up on.
CW:
I can totally see some of these coming up because I would ask about it. Wouldn't you ask Q's about someone's R history and what happened? And then wouldn't you follow up with Q's about it? Like if someone told me they BD'd their husband and are out dating 5 months out - Imma be outta there. I would also ask how they've been able to overcome what happened and what they did do - did they try IC? I feel like these are like basic Q's that I'd wanna know answers to.
Also, she went to IC because she was in a hole and had no way out - it was the last desperate measure to address her panic attacks and stratospheric levels of anxiety. The reasons why her previous R ended was 100% on her lack of judgment, decision-making, living in fantasy land, and inability to see without rose-tinted glasses. The most devastating part about it is that all of those things, her sheer stupidity and selfishness, had the largest negative impact on my D, and then subsequently my S.
After going through all this, I just can't imagine taking an inventory of the other person's life to assess whether it would be a good fit for you and them. And I don't mean being some investigator here, but thinking of it as doing due diligence. I would never in a million years have anyone come near my kids without doing this work.
Ginger:
Yeh you're absolutely right. I spun outta control and now I am getting my balance back. I am trying to refocus all my energy into my life and the kids.
