Don't worry about not knowing the entirety of my sitch. I was pretty active from 2017 to the beginning of the pandemic and then I fell off the map and came back recently.
You're absolutely right that I have no idea what has transpired between them and what he knows and what she's told him etc etc. I am speculating based on what I would want to know if I was dating someone. And even then trying to figure out what I'm being told is not some white washed stuff. You're also right that all that matters to me is how he treats my kids. Everything else is, as Ted Lasso would say, "none of my beeswax."
I don't think I really wanted recon with her. I wanted her to want it and for me to turn it down. I guess I wanted to see what she had given up and admit it. But, I also know it's a bit delusional and fantasy land in my head for that to happen. Also, I think part of it is my desire to have a partner. I was just ready to dive into the dating scene and the covid happened. Now that things are opening up, that desire has come back.
LH:
Here are the main red flags:
- her previous R ended in spectacular fashion 5 months before she started dating again - the previous R, where she had just accepted a marriage proposal and was 'in love' - didn't set proper boundaries between the kids and the previous dude - moved in within months of dating the previous dude - hasn't taken accountability of what she's done and made changes - went to therapy briefly as a stopgap measure for her R ending, but hasn't continued it - hasn't dealt with her abandonment issues from childhood; insecurities about her appearance (almost all of us have these, but it has always seriously impacted her confidence and self-image/value) - hasn't spent any real time alone outside of a R since late teens - has major paranoia and anxiety issues that haven't been dealt with
CW:
hmm.. that's an interesting timeline. but as bttrfly had pointed out earlier - this timeline varies significantly.
