Still Goin' Solo

[Dawn70]

maybe, but I have doubts. Who goes rushing into a new R after the previous one ended 5 months ago - a R where exW had accepted a marriage proposal. What kinda dude decides to date someone like exW knowing all of this? like how many red flags do I need to plant in her front yard?

This will sound sarcastic, but it is a serious question. How do you KNOW dude knows all of that stuff about your XW? You aren't in his head or even in conversation with him, so you don't know what he knows or doesn't know about her past. He knows what she wants him to know, which may, indeed, be all that stuff you mentioned, but it is just as likely to be her white-washed version of it.

yeah i see what you're saying. I don't know anything about this dude aside from his physical appearance, so I have no idea if she's affaired down in the ways you're talking about. All I know is that the dude just walked past exW's red flags and that gives me some information about him. I'll find out more when the time is right. As long as he's good with my kids, I shouldn't care about anything less.

Again, going back to my previous question...how do you KNOW he walked past her red flags. Hindsight is 20/20, my friend, so what are clearly red flags to you now, might not be such clear red flags to him. Or again as I said above, maybe she's doing a lot of white-washing of the truth and he's buying it. Or heck, maybe he DOES know and he just doesn't care. The point I'm trying to drive home here is that none of it matters, because your concern shouldn't be on their relationship but his interaction with your kids. If he's good to the kids, it should be just whatever with her because their relationship is between them. We've talked about this red flag thing a lot on this side of the board and I think once we get post D, we have the value or recognizing red flags a little easier than when we were on the front end of the passionate times with a person.

I realize all of that is REALLY easy for me to say from the outside looking in and being a stranger but you and I are in different places and I'm long past my XH and have moved on to husband #2, so my viewpoint is likely a little different. You've mentioned in passing fleeting thoughts of reconciliation. That may affect why you care about the person she has chosen and compare yourself to them.

I'm kind of catching up on all of your stuff so I may have very likely missed something along the way, but it does sound like you are at least trying to focus in the right direction with getting your mind and body right, applying for jobs, GAL. It is a process for sure. And, because we are all different, it is a different process for all of us.