Sorry, can you explain the first sentence? What did you mean with 'you should have not said one more word until you had said answer'.
That was a confusing play on words. What I meant was that you do not owe him anything more than what you told him: ‘I’ll get back to you with an answer.’ And you don’t have to respond again until you have the answer.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
I'm so glad you told me this because I'm struggling very hard with this. I sometimes wonder why I still react on such messages but I guess this is my nature, and you are correct in saying that I care about his sensitivity and his mental health and he knows it for sure.
I'm also afraid of what the reaction will be if I don't answer. This seems so harsh, not answering to someones message, even if the only thing they do is manipulating the situation.
Boundaries are really hard for lots of people, but especially empathetic people. But in the end, clear boundaries really are the kindest thing you can do. Boundaries protect you AND they give autonomy back to the other person. Because when we approach a situation like this without boundaries, we are effectively telling the other person ‘you can’t figure this out on your own because you are (too mentally unstable, sensitive etc). I am the healthier of the two of us so let me fix/caretake/mend you’. Of course that is not our conscious intention, but that is the message we are sending.
Assume H is normal and can handle it. It’s not impolite to ignore a message that is full of blame and shame. You don’t owe him an explanation or have to engage in a discussion where the only way out is for you to defend yourself.
