The dude is not on my level physically - he's way less attractive and has a bit of a beer belly; doesn't look like he's active or keeping up with how he looks and presents himself. Granted I saw him briefly and I don't know the dude and my judgment is just very superficial. So, saying all of that, I'm like - you are dating 'this' dude? maybe he's knocking it out in every other department, but oh well.
Nobody wants to be replaced by someone who they deem as better. Most judgements are made based on physical appearance.
Originally Posted by Maika
lilmanboy was a very similar type of dude and this just confirms what I had suspected all along - exW is still chockful of her insecurities and needs a dude who basically worships the ground she walks. Someone who she can lord over and feel better about herself - that she is more attractive, she is smarter, and a more together individual. I know where her wounds about this come from - not just from my emotional unavailability during the marriage, but also how she grew up and her past relationships before she met me. So, I feel for her for sure because she's hurting even if she can't see it.
Or maybe she feels seen with him. Think back to Wayfarer's post.
Originally Posted by Maika
At the same time, I felt totally good and couldn't care less about what she was doing with this dude. This revealed to me that my triggering was still all about me and I have a lot of work to do. If this dude was smoking alpha male, I am sure my current insecurities would've heightened. But because what I saw I wasn't impressed with, I could care less.
Ego is big player in the game.
Originally Posted by Maika
So, in conclusion: exW is where she's at in her inner work - which is basically nowhere. I have a lot of work to put in to not let this nonsense get to me like it did. focus on me more, on her less
This is based on the fact she's dating a dude with a dad bod?
Originally Posted by Maika
also, this made me realize how I so do not want to be with exW - she has none of the qualities and attributes that I want in a partner and she has done very little inner work. she wants to live some comfortable white picket fence life (nothing wrong with that), but that is so not the life I want.
Slow down M. Like DNJ says "feelings are fleeting". Just a few days ago you were disappointed she didn't want to recon.
Originally Posted by Maika
I'm glad I never got an opportunity earlier to piece with her - it would've been a disaster. But I'd like to believe that after DBing and doing the inner work over the last few years, I would've ended it as soon as I realized it wasn't going to work. At least now, the silver lining is, that I don't have to go through that at all and be free to find a partner that meets what I am looking for.
So you have an ability to predict the future????? What if in a year she came back completely remorseful?
Originally Posted by Maika
And importantly, embody the qualities that I am looking for in a partner. I got some work to do in that area and it's exciting. The gym has frikkin' saved me and I'm starting to feel like my pre-covid self.
I am glad you are coming out of your funk. Seems like you may have gotten stuck during the pandemic which is understandable especially the way your country handled it. Your future is bright my friend.
