I am so sorry that this is the path being chosen right now. You sound like you have a lot of information and you know what you want. I have faith in you. However, this little interaction brought out some strong feelings for me, probably because I have heard almost the exact same words myself:
Originally Posted by Eagle3
An example to show how difficult it is for him:
H yesterday: So I presume you will make the necessary arrangements in line with my comments?
Me Today: Good morning, answer will follow shortly.
H: OK. So this seems we are going towards a battle. You may expect an equal position in regards to communication. It's a pitty you turn 180 degrees in a few days but whatever. Please add to the document that you are not welcome anymore to gatherings with my family (in two weeks there is a party his family organizes and where they invited me)
Me: do you read any negativity in what I sent? I'm sorry you feel this way, but I don't mean anything by this, just that an answer is yet to come. And if that's what you want, then I'll respect your decision and don't attend the family gatherings anymore. This is not something that can/should be included in the document.
This would be the exact sort of response I would get (and still get) from my H.
This whole process has been one big eye-opening experience to the depth of my H's insecurities and how those insecurities have wrecked our relationship and are currently making this whole divorce process 100X more challenging than it should be.
I would have responded just like you did. But I am learning now that I was 'rewarding' him with a caring, 'oh, let me just explain my good self to you!' response. I am slooooowly learning that the best response is silence.
After you said 'Good morning, answer will follow shortly' you should have not said one more word until you had said answer. He is baiting you. He knows that you care about his sensitivity and his mental health. That if he shows those sides to you, not only will you jump, but you'll ask him 'how high?'
I am preaching to you as if I am a master myself, but in reality I am struggling with this exact thing in this very moment. Perhaps that is why I see it so clearly.
