Thanks AndrewP - that's quite the line about cooking lol. I'd replace 'cooking' with 'baking' and we're on point - I'm a much better cook than exW
Small update:
So, I got a look at who the new dude on the scene is. ExW lives very close to me and I walked by her place and the new dude's car was there and I saw him getting out and fretting about a little bit. He didn't know who I was and I just kept walking on.
The dude is not on my level physically - he's way less attractive and has a bit of a beer belly; doesn't look like he's active or keeping up with how he looks and presents himself. Granted I saw him briefly and I don't know the dude and my judgment is just very superficial. So, saying all of that, I'm like - you are dating 'this' dude? maybe he's knocking it out in every other department, but oh well.
lilmanboy was a very similar type of dude and this just confirms what I had suspected all along - exW is still chockful of her insecurities and needs a dude who basically worships the ground she walks. Someone who she can lord over and feel better about herself - that she is more attractive, she is smarter, and a more together individual. I know where her wounds about this come from - not just from my emotional unavailability during the marriage, but also how she grew up and her past relationships before she met me. So, I feel for her for sure because she's hurting even if she can't see it.
At the same time, I felt totally good and couldn't care less about what she was doing with this dude. This revealed to me that my triggering was still all about me and I have a lot of work to do. If this dude was smoking alpha male, I am sure my current insecurities would've heightened. But because what I saw I wasn't impressed with, I could care less.
So, in conclusion: exW is where she's at in her inner work - which is basically nowhere. I have a lot of work to put in to not let this nonsense get to me like it did. focus on me more, on her less
