Thanks for checking in, Ready2Change. It's appreciated.
I am on these boards every day; reading different situations, trying to draw parallels and learning a great deal, thanks to the wisdom here.
It's still very tough. Better days, bad days...
I went away for the weekend with my tribe - the tribe that would usually include her, but hey ho. We had an amazing time in a most beautiful part of the country which I'd never been to before. Some new happy and funny memories. It was W's birthday while we we there. After a great deal of soul searching I sent her a text to say "Happy Birthday. I hope you have a great day". She replied later with a big, long text telling that me her mother has been admitted to hospital with pneumonia.
I felt so sorry. The first birthday after leaving must be tough with all her friends (remember we have a lot of mutual friends) being on a jolly without her. Her choice, I know, however, it must be hard. Then to compound it, spending the day with her very sick mother in hospital.
Not my problem anymore, but I am not heartless. Shoot me down again, but I reached out later that evening to find out how her mother was. A few texts back and forth about that with me finishing with "It must be such a worry for you all. I'm here if you need me". I know, I know. I should have kept things brief, but I do feel bad for her, however much she has chosen this.
So, not much to report.
More and more people at school are finding out. We had a "Cheese & Wine" do at school a few days ago. The amount of people that came up asking where my "lovely" wife was. I told them briefly that she'd left me and then moved the conversation on. I even had a kid today asking me "You used to wear a ring, Miss. Where is it?" Totally innocent, but still.
I see her at school as we both work there. Polite hellos. Professional hellos. It still kills me.
I am continuing with not drinking and working out. Now down 12 KGs and looking finer by the day We have a very intense school inspection starting tomorrow, so that has kept me busy, and takes up some headspace, which is a relief.
But I'm finding it hard to detach when I still love her so much. I'm hanging on day by day and committed to being the best possible woman I can be. I still think about her all the time, but keep those thoughts to myself. Occasionally break down, but getting stronger.
She's done, and I just need to get on with dealing with the hurt, but I still wish I could wake up from this nightmare.
We have a very intense school inspection starting tomorrow, so that has kept me busy, and takes up some headspace, which is a relief.
