Thank you kml, DnJ and BL42 for your clarification.
My message may not have been clear enough, hence some additional information.
And yes, I mixed the term child support and alimony, my mistake.
Alimony: Where I live, if both partners work, then no alimony is paid by default. Each is self-supporting, even if one person earns more than the other. So I can't take this into account.
Custody and child support: By default, the country where I live says week/week. Child support is calculated according to the number of days the children are with the partners and according to the remuneration of the partners. A handy tool calculates this very correctly and this counts by law.
The financial accounts have all been divided already, no discussion here either.
The house is not up for discussion, here too we have an agreement, it is 50/50. If, of course, he can't buy, then a sale will follow, but then we'll see where we end up but yet again, it remains 50/50. the furniture is also arranged
Where I live, you try to arrange everything as much as possible by mutual consent. As soon as lawyers are openly involved, it becomes a long process. I want to avoid this for the children, because then they will temporarily have to follow the normal procedure and this means 50/50 custody, until everything is arranged. The children are of course heard, but this is only when the trial is in progress and the arrangement remains valid until a verdict has been made. Since there is a risk that he will return for that alone, I would rather not go down this road for the time being.
This does not alter the fact that it is very important to know what I am entitled to. I'm pretty sure of this, but I've made an appointment with an expert on the subject this afternoon. This is me asking for advice, H doesn't know about this.
Like I said, H is hitting wildly but this doesn't affect me at all, it strangly makes me stronger as it is sometimes easier to maitain my focus when he is irrational. Can't explain why. I know what I want for me and the kids.
An example to show how difficult it is for him:
H yesterday: So I presume you will make the necessary arrangements in line with my comments?
Me Today: Good morning, answer will follow shortly.
H: OK. So this seems we are going towards a battle. You may expect an equal position in regards to communication. It's a pitty you turn 180 degrees in a few days but whatever. Please add to the document that you are not welcome anymore to gatherings with my family (in two weeks there is a party his family organizes and where they invited me)
Me: do you read any negativity in what I sent? I'm sorry you feel this way, but I don't mean anything by this, just that an answer is yet to come. And if that's what you want, then I'll respect your decision and don't attend the family gatherings anymore. This is not something that can/should be included in the document.
Of course no response was received.
I will initially wait and see what the expert has to say and then formulate an answer to him.
If we get stuck then I know I will have to take another course. I'm prepared for that. What he underestimates is the fact that there's one thing he really can't manipulate me with and that's my kids.
