It is interesting H answered your businesslike email so quickly. Remember H isn’t rationally uncoupling his reinforcement like you are. Most everything he does is emotionally driven. That’s something to remember when negotiating or conversing with him. H will not behave or negotiate rationally. It requires a certain timing and finesse to find resolution with an emotional and irrational person. D
And DnJ is right again… Yesterday I got a reply from H. And that was a lot less businesslike.
His reply on the document leaves little to the imagination. Manipulation at its best.
I have an appointment with a mediator tomorrow, but I also want to hear your opinion on how to answer.
His biggest problem: paying alimony for the children. In my country this is calculated on income, and H is making a lot of money right now. Also when he comes back I have an idea of what he will earn and the alimony he pays today is even just a little less than it should be. (and that is calculated on the absolute minimum he is going to earn, my guess it will be more but I’ve calculated with worst case scenario) H is not aware of this or does not want to see this at all. He honestly believes he is paying way too much.
During our conversation last week, he again asked week/week custody for the children. The kids don't want this. They want to start with 1 weekend every 2 weeks. I told him that he should talk about this with the children why they don't want this, he refuses and then said that he was going to take into account what they wanted. Judging by his answer now, this is no longer the case at all. I will word it differently. H abuses this to pay less alimony.
Described in detail in the document: Me: When H effectively moves back to home country and buys in the house, it is possible to switch to a custody arrangement of 1 weekend every 2 weeks with the father, to be mutually agreed. His answer: This has been drawn up one-sided, this without my consent. I do not agree. Me: Alimony for 2021 has already been paid until 31/12/2021. From 01/01/2022 alimony will need to be paid again, the same amount as today, being XXXX/month or XXXX/year. His answer: This is the amount that was "agreed" on the basis of the current salary. In home country this is neither feasible nor compliant at all. Since visitation arrangements were drawn up unilaterally, no input was given on alimony. Spouse's proposal is 1 week per 2 in which no alimony is required. If the wife wishes to unilaterally refuse this, then alimony discussion must at least be discussed and adjusted.
Do you see what he's doing? He tries to put it in my shoes that I don't want a week/week and tries to manipulate to pay less alimony.
Any idea how best to respond to this?
1 day later and I have already received a text message from him, however I still left it unread. But saw that he put: "Since no answer can I assume you will make changes to the document?"
The child is starting to kick around in the wild.
I can only state that he is clearly losing his grip on me, and he knows it.
