I echo what others have already said. I'm sorry you are going through this tough time. It is so hard to just feel so raw and exposed. You have such amazing insight and seem so very self-aware and that is great. You also give great feedback to many others on this board and I think that is a lovely quality to be able to share experiences with others in a constructive way.
Here's to better days ahead!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids