Hey M, sorry to hear that you think you've backslid a bit, I know how tough those times can feel, especially when you think you've moved through a stage only to be back there again, pretty disheartening.
Thanks OB! I was surprised by how much I was triggered by this. the good thing about backsliding is you know how to get back up because you've been on the road, so I'm feeling pretty positive about it. The harder journey was after BD when everything was blurry and maddening.
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
I also respect how honest and self-reflective you are, and this situation particularly.
Yeah there's no real point if I can't be as honest and open about things. I've been dealt a crappy hand from the start and I am trying to play with what I've got until I can improve what I've got.
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Re the getting back to the good place you were previously, the how to eat an elephant (one piece at a time) comes to mind. Small gains. But I've learnt more importantly is the consistency of those small efforts. A little piece....every day. Its amazing what can be accomplished when you consistently attack something every day for a year.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Why not focus on one small thing you'd like to do or change in yourself and work on that every time you get distracted by Exw's shenanigans?
you're both absolutely right. you got to pick something and start there. I can't just pick one thing and then move on to the next mostly. I gotta tackle the job situation and my health at the same time, and I can do that. The health is easier because it is fully in my control (as much as one can have full control over their health). But the job front has been depressing all year - sent out so many applications and nothing really. I'm just down about that because I don't think I can do my current job for too long before I snap. I need to put my full energy into that and the kids. Everything else is secondary at this point.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
M seems like you are judging your insides by her outsides... apples and oranges ... I get it, I really do, because I've been there and could be there again in a heartbeat.
i know what you mean and intellectually i know, but emotionally it's not sitting right. i know that I have more healing to do.
I kinda feel split open and raw from sharing my sitch. I re-read it and it made me feel like such a weakling - I know that's dumb and macho man BS. I felt like I threw like the biggest pity party and invited all my insecurities and gave them VIP seats to me wallowing in nonsense. I'm not minimizing my feelings, but I didn't think I would be here after all this time. I just got more work to do.
