Is it easier to use her as a handy hook for your challenges than to face them head on? And is it easier for you to spend the mental energy trying to control her and find all the red flags in her situation than to acknowledge yours in your own life?
forgot to address this.
I have definitely spent more time dwelling on her in the last few months than I have previously. Part of it was based on her being a lot nicer to me and that kinda messed with my head even though I know that she's done that in the past because she wanted something from me. If I target the timeline, it started around when she started seeing this new dude.
I think part of me is pissed off that her life seems all dandy and nice and I am the one still struggling with my job, finances, etc. She's always made more money than me (never been an issue - her industry pays way more than mine), and she was able to buy a new house and I am still renting after BD. Now she's got a new dude on the hook and I am still trying to salvage my self-worth so that I can be a good partner to someone someday. From the outside, her life looks spectacular and my life is in shambles. I know that it is a skewed perspective because I don't know what her life is actually like, but it looks damn good from the outside.
I got pulled into her red flags because I guess I needed something to get pissed off about. You are right that I haven't focused on my own crap as much because it's easier to rage on about her than myself. I need to do better than that. I was doing better than that and I've just crumbled in the last year. Arghhh!!! I am just frustrated with myself.
