WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (5)

[BL42]

DnJ,

How to deal? You excitedly join your daughter and be part of her life!

You're right. Guess I got caught up in the awkward moment instead of caught up in sharing D3's happiness. I won't let that happen next time.

You are her Dad! There is nothing you cannot do! In her eyes you are almost equal to God. Never let her down.

Thanks. Appreciate that sentiment. I won't.

Afterwards you can vent, cry, get angry, whatever. Yet in the moment, see the blessing that is right in front of you. You do that and it will become that. Actually, you will become; and then influence the situation.

Didn't need to get angry or cry. Maybe just vent here lol. D3 reaching out didn't hurt so much - just unsure of whether to join in - the part that hurt was hearing ExW ask S6 so happily if he wanted to say hi to OM2. But I kept it to myself and didn't show the hurt.

Maika,

I want you to know that I feel your pain because I've also gone through it.

Thanks, it [censored].

You gotta just get into 'Dad' mode and not 'You' mode. The You will have time to process and recuperate. I know it sounds easy to say but I know it's not easy to execute - it $uck$ big effin' time, but you do it because you're the Dad. It's part of our job description.

I like the "Dad mode" mindset. That's a great way to frame it. It's part of our job description.

One of the things that I keep in mind with my kids is that whenever they want to do something with me or show me or whatever it is that they want my attention, it is a 'bid for connection'. Esther Perel talks about it. And so, I just remind myself that my kids are just trying to connect with me and be closer to me to show me whatever it is they're super into right now. And I get super into it for them, even if it hurts in the moment.

There's a great quote I can't find at the moment, but it goes something like: "You can choose to be interested in your kid's life, but you can't choose what they're interested in." Wish I had the exact words, but that always stuck out with me. For example, I've never been into fishing but S6 tried it at a friend's lake house during the Summer of separation and really liked it and said he wanted to do it again, so I bought him a real rod and reel for his birthday and we went out several times this Summer and he's caught a few fish he's so excited about, so it became a cool bonding activity.