WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (5)

[BL42]

Maika/kml/bttrfly/Dawn70,

Thanks for the welcome and words of encouragement.

Following up from the end of my last thread...

Believe it or not, there comes a point where you hope your ex and her OM do not implode...It takes years and a lot of painful emotional work to get where I am. Not everyone does. Everyone doesn’t even have to. I still have triggers, they are just managed well.

Yes, I agree with Ginger that you want that outcome eventually for the well being of the kids. But it takes a lot of work and time, and there are still triggers that need to be managed. The reason I wished that exW's R with lilmanboy would implode is because she rushed into everything and wanted to create some fantasy blended family and I didn't think it was going to be a good thing for the kids. And then it did implode because lilmanboy is an a$$hole.

I can believe it. I recognize that over time my anger and triggers will likely diminish and my perspective on Ex & OM2 imploding will likely evolve over time, I'm just not there yet. It's still raw. My exW certainly rushed in to create a fantasy new family with OM2 & the kids as well. Definitely question OM2's morals sleeping with a married woman and living with her kids, plus some social media posts I saw, but not clear he's an a$$hole like lilmanboy. I do want more stability for the kids at some point and could see myself getting along with a new man in their lives in the future, but greatly prefer someone who did not sleep with my wife and move in with my kids right off the bat. I guess time will tell.

By the way, my biggest hurt and pain came from the thought of another woman raising my child. Her thinking as her as her mother. And guess what. My daughter knows exactly who her mother is and parents are and what roles everyone has. Your kids know you are dad and always will. No if’s ands or buts about that

There is no OM or OW that can replace you as the primary parent, so I have no concerns about feeling less than. My relationship with my kids is rock solid and there is no other man that can usurp that.

Yes, my biggest hurt and pain at this point is the thought of OM2 raising my child as well. I'm doing everything I can to be their rock. Your comments on the kids knowing who their actual parent is are encouraging. Thanks for that.

Something about the ExW needing to start on a level playing field seems like justice.

I feel you on that. exW's R imploding was good justice in my eyes. Whatever fantasy land and fog that she was in was ripped apart in a matter of days. maybe now she can look back at our marriage and BD and see her part in the mess she made.

Indeed.