I am a mom to a teen daughter . It’s rough at times. Is she rough at times because she is “modeling my behavior”. NO! It’s because she is a teenage girl navigating her way and becoming her own person! When she’s being a bit$h is it because I’m a bit&h? NO!!!
I have heard far too many LBH start to say as their daughter exhibit normal age appropriate ( which is not always desirable) behavior, that they are scared they are becoming their “mom” and are “afraid” Come on now. It’s so easy to blame on the walk away spouse. But really not fair to project on to the child.
I'm a mom to a 19 year old and a bonus parent to a 17 year old. I had my daughter as a teen. I was a nanny for a long time. I worked in courts for a decade almost exclusively in juvenile justice. I think it's safe to say anyone who's had to raise a teenage girl truly understands the concept of loving detachment....lol.
However, I've noticed people who aren't around kids much outside of their own kids don't generally get that defiance is normal. And it's actually a desired trait. It means your kid won't just drink the kool-aid or jump off the bridge. But humans by nature are either conflict adverse, or incapable of not engaging. There's very little middle ground unless you've been in therapy for ages. So I do understand why it can be an emotional landmine but what I don't get is why parents let it continue to be one. Teens and tweens are hard to parent for everyone.
More people just need to understand that some times even really exhausting behavior is normal. More people need to understand parenting isn't as instinctual as they'd like to believe there are experts and resources for a reason. Also learning to pick your battles, finding healthy coping mechanisms and communication techniques, and knowing what is within the realm of typical so you can address atypical behavior with intervention are the only ways to the other side of these years. And thankfully there's almost always an other side with trying kids.
