I won't "slam" you, but probably best if you hadn't. You likely hoped (at least subconsciously) she would respond or appreciate the sentiment and it would help your sitch, and then it may you feel a bit worse when your expectations weren't met. Am I right? This isn't a average co-worker. It's hard to do something like that with her without expectations.
Actually, she responded very positively, so I'm glad I sent the text.
My IC suggested that I really needed to hear her say that the marriage is officially over for her, rather than her just needing some space. So, yep, we did have a relationship conversation last weekend. Geez, I ended up being her emotional punchbag again and, after having felt pretty centred for a while, I was a wreck. I did my best "This is not what I want, but I accept this is how you feel" speech. Even though she tells me that she had forgiven me for whatever sins I committed in the M, she is still so, so angry at me. I really wasn't that bad! But I did a good job of validating. My IC keeps telling me we both had a part to play in the demise of our M, but I didn't tell W that.
We parted with the agreement that she would get legal advice and move things forward.
I was very surprised that she came to see me at the end of school the next day. She said she wanted to check in about work stuff (I had mentioned the mess things are at school the previous day) to see how I was. She was off to see her dysfunctional family (her words) and thinks her mother has now given up living. She is really emotional about loads of stuff - not just me.
She texted a couple of days ago to let me know she had transferred her wages out of our shared account, as a matter of courtesy, I think. I responded by telling her she really needed to sort out what she wants for the settlement of assets and she asked for the contact of the lawyer. Have heard nothing since.
Since then I realised I have been pushing her forward on the D. Manipulation? Maybe. Passive aggressive? Probably. I now feel I would like us both to wait on the D. I'm too emotional to be able to handle it, and I'm guessing that she is too. Is this why some places the couple has to be separated for a year before they divorce?
I really don't think I'm holding on to the fact that she may change her mind at some point. I would just rather go through a D when I'm not on the rollercoaster that I'm on at the moment.
On the positive front, I've been getting on with GAL and having a lot of fun times with friends. I'll be honest, however much I'm told that this M is over, I still hold on to some hope. Why is this? I'm a rational person, yet even when things are laid out in black & white, part of me still hopes.
It's so difficult to detach when we work in the same place.
Just keep being fabulous. Just keep being fabulous. Just keep being fabulous.
