My next thread will be a bit of everything but I want to be clear as much as possible since I would like your opinions. I know this is an emotional thread, I'm clearly aware of that but it is what it is and I need to vent.
When I came back from my trip I asked him how the visit with the psychiatrist went. He was very brief in his communication. That all went well, that he had loss trauma, and that he developed learning disabilities because of that. Also that his Mother never has been a real M and that this was the cause of this, together with the divorce of his parents. I asked him if he would go again and he told me he received two names, but that they will most probably won't have time for him currently. He also said that he talked a lot with him and he told him things he needed to think through, that maybe he would go another time later this year, after he considered their conversation thoroughly. I guess this says it all.
Kids are fed up with the whole situation. They don't want to be with him anymore on a regular basis. He said some very painfull and embarrassing things which I won't put on here.
Yesterday I created my own BD I guess. Confronted him with the fact that I saw proof of him being on trips with OW2 during summer and that this is adultory since we are still married. That this is too painful and that I don't want to be confronted with that. Been there once, don't want this anymore.
He doesn't want to talk, always runs away so only option was to send him this message by text.
I have done this in a very polite, and friendly way. No clinging at all. Can't do that anymore. Way past this now.
Of course replied in a very manipulative and controlling way.
He reffered to a conversation we had 3 weeks ago (he was tipsy to drunk then) whereby he mentioned that he had something going on with OW2 but that he doesn't know which direction this was going since he can't have a connection with anyone anymore, including her. So that there currently wasn't a relationship.
Told him correct, but you also told me that you were travelling alone, which clearly wasn't the case. I've told him to be honest with me, I asked him if he was dating OW, didn't receive an answer. Sent him a new message and worded it differently, 'since you do not want to answer to this question, do you want to go further with your life without me? He replied, 'talk on Wednesday without kids'. (on Thursday he is leaving again)
He also stated in his messages that I've told him several times that I have let him go. That I was the one who wanted closure, and then he said "I can't be responsible for all you mind switches???'
Told him that my view on things never changed, that emotionally I had to let him go, because the situation was too painfull but that I still stood for our marriage, that I clearly mentioned this during our last conversation and several times before. (which you can see in my previous threads)
Therefore I need your guidance as to which ways this might go the following days.
Please know that I have reached the point whereby I will accept whatever direction this will go. But I refuse to go on like this, I want to have answers, and they need to have a clear direction.
This evening he will come home drunk since he went for lunch with an aquaintance and afterwards to watch a football game. Will see what happens then but I will refuse to talk to him when drunk.
He is away from Monday till Wednesday on Business trip.
For the 'talk" on Wednesday I'm planning to put him for an ultimatum(I know, this is pressure, but I'm fed up, yes this is emotional talk, but I don't care anymore)
1/ Commitment to rebuilding relationship with homebase (= including children and me). He works on himself when coming back to home country, sees a psychiatrist on a regular basis.
2/ Go further with life without me by his side. House will be sold or can be bought in. D process can be started.
I know he will choose the 2nd option but I'm ready for it. I don't want another night wasting my sleep feeling anxious because I'm kept in the dark and being threated like a doormat. I have been more than 2.5 years in the dark now. There is and end to everything.
Does this mean I'm giving up all the way? No, I'm giving up the current marriage and situation.
I know it will be difficult but option 1 would be equally difficult, definitely because he is still in full blown crisis.
