I work out a lot. It is a key component of my GAL and it always makes me feel a lot better. Some days, I work out twice and I certainly did that a lot at the beginning. And when I'm feeling down, I go out and talk to other people. I make friends rather easily and there are a lot of lonely folks out there who just want to talk to someone. I'm not shy. I also stay very busy and very productive.
I try to play to my strengths so that I can make progress and never sit on the couch thinking when I feel bad. But perhaps the biggest piece of it was having confidence that I would have the outcome that I wanted if I just stayed focused, had patience, and executed the plan. My confidence wasn't misplaced, I did get the outcome that I wanted. I just didn't save my marriage. She never looked back or reconsidered.
It's probably much better this way though. I'm happy with my new life and looking forward to what the future brings. It was too bad that things happened the way they did, but everything seems to have worked out for everyone. I've made a lot of progress rebuilding my life, I am living the way I want to live, and I am improving myself. My ex and OM seem to be doing fine and they appear to take good care of the children when they are over there. My ex and I don't fight over child custody or parenting. Things are peaceful. And sometimes that is a great outcome.
My daughters are still obsessed with who I have dinner and coffee with. And it's impossible to tell whether that's their mother driving the issue or whether it's my daughters' concern. But it doesn't really matter. Since I'm what they call "emotionally unavailable," I figure that it's for the best that I stay single and I do. Of course, some women find men who are friendly, who listen, and who are emotionally unavailable very attractive. So, I don't have to have dinner or coffee alone unless I want to and most of the time I do.
As for my mistakes, before BD, my ex was no longer my top priority. I put work and myself ahead of her and it was that way for quite a while. She was, and appears to still be, OM's top priority. That's often what lies at the heart of a lot of these sitchs and it is understandable why that was so irresistible to her. Not that her leaving that way was right. There were better ways to have done it.
I also spent a tremendous amount of time in IC going over my weaknesses and making changes. But when your spouse is 100% gone and living with someone else, that really doesn't make much difference and I can understand and accept that my personal growth didn't change things for her.
