Brave Little Gerda Knows More Now

[bttrfly]

but bttrfly I don't do any of those things. I had one dark night where I was tempted and slipped. That's why I posted for a first time in a while. To say how horrible I felt. To say that it's complicated and delicate.

I never said you did. But both parentification and parental alienation are going on with your exh, IMHO. You are human, you will have great days and not so great days. We all have those. My point is that ESPECIALLY if the other parent is creating havoc it's imperative for you to keep your side clean. Can you cause even more damage if you don't? OH YES.

I think the point is more that whether you keep your side "clean" or you don't, your kid is going to get very very damaged by the narcissist. Because the kid with a parent like that is already blaming herself and internalizing everything because she doesn't realize what's going on. That's what happened to me as a teen. My son has a whole defiant side that leads to other self harm.

And that is a cause of grief. I am grieving because I have to surrender my kid to that.

This confusion had gone away in the last couple years when his dad was out of his life.

Now my kid has totally regressed and has become abusive to me again. If anything he is trying to be my parent and I am trying to figure out how to keep him a kid.

Even if you don't do anything to alienate, the very fact of a broken family alienates. You can refuse to participate, you can pray for your spouse, you can tell your kids to forgive, you can say the grownups will take care of it, etc., and it's still a dysfunctional gaslighted mess. It's confusing and complicated for the kids and a cause for grief to watch them struggle.

I was tempted that night so I came here and talked about it. Like an addict coming to a meeting in order to stay clean, not in order to justify a relapse.

I'm still Gerda and all that you knew about me before is still the case.

I encourage you to get IC for yourself and your children and family therapy. That's all the help I have to offer. I'm sorry if it's not enough, but it's the best I can do.