WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (4)

[BL42]

SteveLW,

#1 or #2. No need to go nuclear over this invite.

You're probably right.

wayfarer,

I personally think because you are working on creating boundaries and adhering to your custody agreement this should be a no, and for absolutely no other reason.

I agree. I don't plan on having them attend.

I understand that this is a crappy over all situation, but this is what is going on. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away. Dropping your emotional trauma on OM's sister accomplishes nothing. Even if you were to unload on her you'd feel better in the moment and the like sh!t after the fact.

You're probably right. Fun to lash out but ends up feeling worse after the initial rush ends.

What is relevant is your current situation. OM's sister has kids that your kids probably play with and are familiar with. They may even really enjoy playing together. It was a nice gesture. Is it weird? Yup. Probably a little too soon? Also, a yes. But at some point in the near future this will be your new normal. The question here is are going to turn every opportunity like this for your kids to have a good time into an emotional landmine for you because it's with OM's family or are you going keep working through this so you don't have a visceral reaction to a kid's birthday party invite and can make the decision solely based on the kids availability?

Feels super weird and way too soon. I agree about taking the high road for the benefit of the kids in the long run, but the ink is barely dry on the D, my kids are young, and weren't friends with this girl before. Maybe in the future it'll be different.

BL I think maybe it's time to head over to Surviving the Big D. I've done this all before, but it's been like 10 years for me, my kid is an adult. It's pretty active over there and there's a lot of people who went through or are going through what you're dealing with. That way you can get more voices to weigh in on this stuff.

Good suggestion. I considered starting this current thread there because it lined up right after the D was finalized, but I kept it in Newcomers for one more round of familiar faces. Perhaps I'll jump over once this thread hits the limit.

CWarrior,

I'd actually tell S6 and D3 they were invited to OM2's sister's D's party and ask if they wanted to go. The priority is your kids, right?

Nope, that's going a little too far. I hear your point on "what's best for the kids", but not this time. It's way too fresh and raw. It's not like they're asking to go and feeling like they're missing out. They're young and don't know any different. It's not some long-established friendship with OM2's neice or something. They can have plenty of fun and good times with me, family, and other friends doing Fall activities. I don't need to be carting them off to OM2's family birthday party during my time so soon after he sleeps with my wife and moves in with my children.

I'll take the high road and not make a terse/nasty comment, but am taking wayfarer's route of establishing boundaries and not have them attending for now. Maybe in the future it'll be different.

3) Respond: "ExW was having a physical affair IN THE OFFICE with a married coworker (who has 3 young daughters) while.. Please do not contact me again."

This reminds me of when I was 22 or 23, just after my grandma passed, and my extended family cut me off because of how my father behaved. "I'm not my father's son" fell on deaf ears. It's ironic my aunts/uncles lumped me together with him when I want nothing to do with him. Consider OM2's sister and OM2's sister's daughter are separate from OM2 and maybe your kids' chosen friends.

Think the difference in that analogy is in your case it was actually your family whereas here it's not family or even my kids' family, it's OM2's (recently AP and now BF's) family. Maybe it'd be different if it were the kids' actual cousins. I don't feel the need to have any interaction with OM2's sister or OM2's niece simply because they didn't directly wrong me like ExW or OM2 did.

I'll probably take #1 and simply not respond, maybe acting as if I had blocked her phone number. I did block all of ExW and OM2's family on social media awhile back - Didn't even occur to me to do the same with the phone contacts - assumed they'd never reach out.