Brave Little Gerda Knows More Now

[Rita]

Sage, thank you for the ideas and the care you took to write these words.

I was definitely was in a moment of intense weakness and loneliness when I wrote that. Probably a bad idea to record it here, I kind of regret what it started on my thread. But it's true that trauma is an imprint and unresolved trauma no doubt led me to choose H in the first place. Thanks for the love! Have to go back through your post and read it a few more times to get all the nuggets.

Thanks, DnJ, for sharing the dark day moments, I think we all just want to feel like someone can relate to our ugliest moments and still want to be our friend. I hear you about S16 but there are moments when a kid has ODD that don't work out that way. I hopefully provided a lot of guidance and taught him respect along this rocky road the last eight years. It's not always possible but I would not expect anyone whose kid does not have that to know what it's like. My other child does not have that and as difficult as she can sometimes be, it's a whole different animal with S. It's going to be his journey ultmately but hopefully with his special school and his therapist and a little bit from me, he will find his way.

sjohn, you helped me so much with your words. Would like to tell you my name too but I know I had better not tell it to the world on here. I read your message over many times in the last few days, read it aloud to myself a few times when I was really down, and even showed the post to my best friend. I think it's clear I really needed to hear some loving kindness, it helped me so much. It's really a mystery to me that you think those things about me, but a very good mystery. Also helpful to read about how you have struggled with the same thing at times. When we are feeling really ashamed or ugly or bad about ourselves, to know someone else has been there is really the best way to inspire someone to climb out of that hole. It's really hard for me to imagine anyone doubting you; you are so open and kind and I bet you are a fun dad with your kids to boot. And you are right, I have no one around me doing that; in fact pretty much none. My family is quite similar to H (thus the original attraction!) and my kids are teens so they are really mean at least 50% of the time. Hey, have you been writing anymore? I was trying to remember something you had talked about in the past about a box of something that made me write to you about being creative but I forget what it was all about. I think that's when we first became friends. I hope you are doing really well otherwise, and that your life has a direction and a beauty that goes beyond what you suffered....