WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (4)

[BL42]

wayfarer,

Thanks for sharing your perspective. It does hurt, because it feels like I'm losing special time with the kids (walking to/from school became our routine). While the changes won't do direct "harm" to the kids, I was able to provide a reliable launching point to & from school, whereas it sounds like ExW's schedule will be changing week to week so I'm concerned they'll be unsettled and wondering who is taking them to school, who will pick them up, where they'll be going...etc. (D3 is already asking those questions a lot). At least my weeks will be very routine and organized so they'll have a sense of comfort and consistency. But perhaps in the long run it will be for the best and will help establish those boundaries. As I mentioned, one of the pros will be more self focus (more sleep on "off" weeks, less stress in the morning w/school prep vs. work calls, and maybe implementing a regular workout schedule).

Also wanted to circle back on the D3/OM2 topic from before I got waylayed by ExW's schedule changes...

The point here is kids can dislike the dynamic for a plethora of reasons. Maybe your ex behaves differently when OM is around. Maybe D3 just isn't a fan. Maybe D3 isn't getting the attention she wants. Maybe when OM is around they do what OM wants to do and when he isn't your ex let's the kids do what they want to do. I'd keep and eye out for obvious signs, but make sure you keep in mind 3 year olds don't prescribe to logic yet. They still live in the realm of magical thought. And at that age developmentally speaking they are all essentially tiny sociopaths that lack empathy. Not to defend OM but he could be a perfectly acceptable bonus parent and D3 could just like things they way she likes things, in the same manner she probably has a favorite cup.

I've heard OM2 never wanted to get married or have kids, and more recently ExW was upset he was waffling about whether to go on vacation with her, the kids, and her family, but I had not had any indication he was mean or nasty to the kids or that they were upset about him. My parents and I really don't pry - not wanting to get kids caught in the middle of a spy game - but we do let them talk and listen if there's something they want to discuss and encourage them to share their feelings. This comment D3 made to my mom about not liking when it's "me, mommy, S6 & OM2 time" was the first indication either kid was upset about OM2 in the equation. It could be just a passing feeling and completely innocent, but want to keep my eyes open (as you mention) to make sure it's not anything more serious over time. Also, I don't bring this up with them obviously but do wonder how they feel when during my time I'm 100% focused on them whereas ExW has other priorities to balance.