I emailed her why she did that last night, waiting for a response.
Hi Wolf, I'm going to go out on a limb here and wager your intent wasn't inquisitive--e.g., "Hmm, I wonder if I should do that too?" You already have an antagonistic relationship with your XW that boils over onto your kids. You mention you have a protection order that prevents you from sending positive messages about her parenting or soliciting her advice on your relationship with D. It's odd it doesn't prevent messages like the above. I would probably try to drop all communications with her unless it's simple logistics or positive messages. I encourage the latter if you can. Easing tensions with your XW would be a cheap and very effective way to reduce parental alienation. And, frankly, she seems better at that game than you--which is a compliment.
Originally Posted by Dawn
I think people have said to you repeatedly that you are NOT in your daughter's head so while she may APPEAR fine, you really don't know exactly what she's thinking when she is sitting in that room either alone with you or with the therapist and you. And, you said that she could've spoken up and said she didn't feel comfortable about being left alone, but think about that for a second. Most kids, in her spot, if they were TRULY uncomfortable being left alone, likely are not going to say that to anyone unless they feel about 10,000% safe and while your daughter may be ok with the therapist, she may still not have felt safe enough to say hey, don't leave me alone. You just can't assume anything.
I was thinking exactly this. Consider how much easier it is to bash an ex than to admit when you're feeling uncomfortable or afraid--and to top it off this is a teen. My D16 also isn't comfortable expressing certain things in front of certain people. If I were her Mom, I'd be asking the therapist the same thing--"Why?" I'd be more comfortable hearing it was a test to see how you two handled being alone, and it won't happen again for a while than hearing she was just really thirsty.
Originally Posted by Dawn
I did t say anything because I know she would deny and cause an argument. I am so disgusted this man is smoking around my children and she is allowing it.
That's "Fortune Telling", but I agree you have not built a relationship with your XW that would allow you to offer constructive criticism and be heard. Imagine if you were on such terms, and able to see from her perspective as a loving mom--"I bet, like COVID, outside smoking isn't as bad as inside smoking." If you were in that place you might be able to share a May 2007 JAWMA article stating it's on par with inside smoking. She might take a look and decide for 2-minute walks to the car it's okay but she'll consider that the next time they're all sitting outside on the patio for thirty minutes or more.
