Good thoughts on the self-esteem/getting people to like you. I think you're right that it can play apart along with LH's loss of control theory, and several others.
The push-pull / work hard to get them back / dropping pressure & pursuit dynamics are certainly interesting and something I hadn't considered much before, but have given a lot of thought post-BD on this forum and other resources.
How are things with you and your wife? Are things still well? Any personal updates to share on your own sitch?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21